I am feeling rather sorry for myself right now. For no apparent reason though, just a little bit of this and that, and here I am, with a look on my face like the world is coming to an end, and I am the only one aware of it, and of course, I am unable to handle all the pressure.
Now something is definitely wrong, if only I could figure out what. Had an awesome Diwali break. Went home for the first time after the wedding and there was a lot of eating, chatting, sleeping and more eating. Getting back to work on Monday was the hardest thing ever. That might be one of the reasons though, extended effect of happy weekend on the irritatingly monotonous week that followed. But it’s almost weekend and one might think that was a good enough to get back in the good spirits. But no, we are sticking to the gloomy frown for now.
Then there is the perennial professional depression. Ok it’s not that perennial, rather comes and goes. At times it lasts weeks and then disappears for an equally long time. And at times it suddenly appears out of no where and stays for a short while, but with higher intensity. This is one I end up contemplating if I am at the right place at all, whether what I am doing is actually what I always wanted to, where I would rather be, and other such profound and deep thoughts. Though one might associate this to utter joblessness, that is not the case. Work, has somehow succeeded in keeping me busy for 7 of the 8 hours I spend at it. So there, those are in fact profound thoughts.
Or it might be the one thing that all people close to me say it is. Or rather the lack of it. And that would be an actual reason to worry about. According to them, it is a general phenomenon with me, apparently I search for reasons to feel sorry for myself from time to time, and on failing, feel sorry anyways. So it is just one of those days. Which I feel is highly unfair, and very sad, why would I do that? And now that I don’t have anyone sympathizing with me, I am sympathizing with myself. And trying out remedies. But even a cup of hazelnut cappuccino, a lot of blog surfing, and listening to the songs from ‘Jab we met’ is not helping me today. Even blogging about it isn’t as helpful.
So, I guess I will get back to pondering over life’s bigger and deeper mysteries, like what to do for the weekend, and what to shop for as I approach closer and closer to completing a quarter of a century on the face of the earth. The prfound ones I was talking about. Or better still, try gathering some sympathy for my sorry state. Hmmm. Whatever.