Is there someone you really hate? Do you badly want to torture someone in specific but are unable to do anything about it because you believe in ahimsa? Do you think there is someone who deserves the worst in the world? If the answer to any of the above is yes, you have a simple solution. Gift them a ticket to Tashan.
I am seldom so critical about a movie. Infact, I have extremely high tolerance levels when it comes to Bollywood flicks. Hello! I refused to walk out of Neal n Nikki; even though pure-veg-roomie ditched me mid-way and I had to sit through it alone. I even watched the whole of Bombay to Bangkok without a single whine, though I knew it had got a one star rating. And no, I don’t always look for a story, or some kind of a message in a movie; I liked Race, and Dhoom 2. And that’s justification enough.
But this movie annoyed me. Something I never thought a movie could do. It annoyed me so much, that all through the movie, I kept telling The Dude I would never suggest movies to watch again, and concentrated a lot on the yummy samosas Anand Theatre has to offer. The positive thing was, I was able to discuss random, unrelated topics with the Lil sis, and never had to bother about disturbing others, because one, there were hardly any ‘others’, and two, those who were there, were probably enjoying a sound sleep.
What annoyed me? Well quite frankly, everything. There was Anil Kapoor’s Hinglish, which was supposed to be the funny bit, but somehow ended up getting on your nerves. Saif was so useless in the movie that I felt sorry for him. I somehow expected that Akshay would be the saving grace, and when his introduction in the supposedly funny Ramlila scene fell flat, I knew I was in serious trouble. Kareena looked good, but that was about what she got to do. The songs I had downloaded and listened to over and over again lost their charm when they became part of the movie. There was a point where the Lil sis was sure the movie had come to an end, but alas, we had another hour to go. And as soon as the extremely ridiculous flash-back with Gudiya and Ullu-Ram started, I knew I had attained Nirvana. I now possess the ability to sit through any junk of a movie and yet survive.
If you are reading this, consider this a warning. And a foolproof method of finding out who is out to get you; that would be anyone who suggests you watch this movie. Enough said; I rest my case.