Mean files

Yessir, You, in the Honda Accord, on Tarnaka road, yes. Please don’t spit on the road. Just because you are at a signal doesn’t mean you have to use the stop for opening the door of your big car, pushing your big sunglasses over your head, and then, ahem, spit. Trust me, it’s disgusting, and really fuels my violent streak, which might actually make me get off the bus, grab you by your hair, and rub your face over the puddle of phlegm you are leaving behind. Really. Please don’t do it again.

Oh, and you, yes-yes, remember, we met in the elevator at work today? You have conjunctivitis, is it? Huh? Poor you. No? The why were you wearing those sunglasses inside? Lights too bright? Ok, Ok, I know you spent a lot of money on them, but it’s ok to take them off when you are in there, you know. And in malls. Oh, and in cinema halls too! And oh, please don’t mind, but having them on top of your head the whole day is not so cool either. I mean, you know you are not leaving this building for another 9 hours atleast, so you can actually take them off? No-no, no force, just a suggestion.

And sir you, on the phone? I know you had fun at the party last night, but I really don’t want to know the details. I am trying hard to get these two excel sheets to match, and it is tough job you know, they are 30mb files and all, take an hour to even open. And all your chatter is just too distracting. Actually, the floor is not reallymeant for telephone conversations, could you step out? Oh, if I may mention, it’s been like 30 minutes since you stepped out of the conference room, don’t you think its time you get back?

Ah, and you, we have travelled by the same cab a lot, how can I forget you? I know you mean public service when you switch on the music on your mobile inside the cab. But see, I am very picky. About the music and the sound quality, and you know those speakers on the phone aren’t really happening. As for the music, I know you are playing English numbers to look cool and all, but Backstreet boys and Britney Spears? Even I, with my limited knowledge of phoren music, cannot forgive you for that! So, plug in those earphones. Now.

And dear neighbour lady, coming to you. When you reached the elevator, there were already 6 people in it, no? And that’s the maximum it can carry. So how does it make sense to open the door, call your husband and kid, glare at all of us, go ‘Tch, how do we get in now?’ and then after 5 whole minutes of contemplation finally decide to let us go, all the while looking extremely bugged? We got in before you no? So we get to go first, it’s only fair I think. And also, it’s just a matter of another few minutes. Which by the way, would have been slightly lesser if not for all that drama from you. Right?

Lastly you, dear lady with the kid in the movie hall. I like kids I swear. I think they are the cutest, and even crying kids don’t bother me much, because that’s a given, kids cry. But bringing the tiny thing to a movie like ‘Mummy III’ or ‘Journey to the centre of the earth’ is not the smartest thing to do. You see, these kind of movies have loud noises, and scary faces, and gigantic dinosaurs and yetis and what not. They are bound to make the child cry; hell they made me cry (for totally different reasons though). Take them to Kung Fu Panda instead, and I won’t get bugged even if the kid names every animal on screen and then proceeds to spell it in the loudest tones during the movie. It is after all more of his movie than mine, and I accept that. Totally fair, I am, really.

That’s it, I am done. And no offence to anybody. Just that we couldn’t talk then. So, I thought I would let you know this way. More polite, and of course, much easier. Right?

So, till we meet yet again,

Best Regards

An extremely bugged, ME.


38 thoughts on “Mean files

  1. Anonymous

    i pity people of your type who whine & complain of every real & imaginable ills of our society but dont stand up & be counted when it really matters. the usual reply is… I am too small to change the world, well in that case just shut up.

  2. Ouch. Don’t really agree with most of what you’ve written — except for maybe the elevator and kids x movies ones.
    As for the phone guy — I am utterly shameless in such situations. There was this one time when I had this cubicle near the aisle (big pain) and this one guy started yammering on his phone while standing next to my cubicle. I got bugged and the following conversation ensued:
    Me: Excuse me, hey
    Him: Yeah?
    Me: Where do you sit? As in, where’s your cubicle
    Him: (pointing) Over there. (belligerent) Why?
    Me: Na, it’s nothing. I just thought that when I have some free time I’ll come next to *your* cubicle and talk loudly on *my* phone.
    Him: … (walks away to the lift lobby to complete his call)
    Worked like a charm. He never spoke again near my cubicle.

  3. ‘i pity people of your type who whine & complain of every real & imaginable ills of our society but dont stand up & be counted when it really matters. the usual reply is… I am too small to change the world, well in that case just shut up’…and ‘if you’re insistent on standing up and being counted, at least leave a name behind. Take pride in saying what you did and stand up for that at the very least! Be the bigger person in this.’

  4. Joy, You stole words from my mouth!
    Just to re-emphasise, anonymous commenting doesn’t feature under ‘ standing up and being counted’ at all, you see, you need to be known to be counted. So, if you choose to whine without a name, you might as well, in your very own words, just shut up!

  5. He he, Nothing to agree with ya, just instances I got bugged with recently 🙂
    About the phone thing, you’re right, and usually I use the ‘glare’ or loud ‘tch’s to shut them up! Works, that too, unless the guy is too shameless!

  6. Yep, true. Telling a person not to spit or talk loudly is still ok, but telling people off in theaters and all wont work, mainly because you end up being seen as the non-cooperative, mean person!
    Oh damn, I forgot to mention people who walk in late into the movies! Next post perhaps!

  7. Hehhe, I am actually very very patient, only trouble is when it is to movies which are bound to make the kids cry! Also, some people are sensible and walk out to shush the kid, but some ensure that they have a conversation with them right there, or even worse, ignore the whole noise!

  8. Anonymous

    My name is suresh…now will you all girls do your part or just go back to showing off your fancy writing skills on a blog that people give two hoots.

  9. Awww, someone’s all bugged!
    The name made so much of a difference btw, in confirming your identity! Hmm, I think ‘we girls’ will get back to showing off our fancy writing skills, as long as people like you who claim to hate what we write, come read them, comment on them, and then come back again, and comment again and again and again. Good enough popularity I think, no?

  10. Anonymous

    part of your popularity is that you have good writing skills but lately i have discovered that most of the bloggers are all style & no substance…what ticks me off is people with fancy IQ numbers and fancier college degrees ranting about state of affairs… well if you guys dont have wherewithal to do something about it?… god knows who is??. Its no wonder that criminals & retards run our country and perpetuate a vicious cycle of mediocrity.
    now enuf of all this talk…lets go back to bitching around, thats lot more fun.

  11. Oh-ho, you are anti-bloggers, anti-fancy-IQ-people, anti-fancy college degree-holders, too many things!
    Hmmm, I am thinking I will go tell that guy at work to remove his sun-glasses? And the neighbour lady to not stop elevators like this anymore, ok? That should ensure ‘criminals and retards’ don’t run our country anymore, yeah?
    Oh, about the getting back to bitching bit, dude, what do you think you have been doing all this while?;)

  12. Ah, so not only we do need someone like you to come along and tell us what to do, you also enlighten us about our fancy writing skills (Thanks for the compliment in an age when compliments are hard to come by) and wow! no one gives two hoots about our blogs?
    You must be the Messiah the world is waiting for. Finally you’re here…where have you been Sir? And you choose to tell us about your worthy presence through an anonymous comment and then add with so much humility, ‘My name is Suresh.’ Yes to that end too, we shall make our amends and ‘do our part.’

  13. Anonymous

    hehhehee 😀 I also feel the same about people getting their kids to cinema halls. You should see that in the US. They have a rule NOT to allow kids unless of course its a kiddie movie. They say ” dont add your own background to the movie. Let the movie do it for you” and play a kid crying and a cell phone ringing in the background 😀
    …and show off your writing skills, gurl! I wonder what people’s problem is if someone is blogging and ranting. If they think that by NOT blogging, they perceive themselves to be GOD-sent to change the society, then why arent they busy at it?! Why are they reading blogs then ?! And if they cared two hoots for it, why even stop by ?! Isnt it as simple as that?

  14. Anonymous

    its funny to watch you girls vehemently oppose changing your social behaviours but expect everyone else around to change overnight.
    Long live Hypocrites! long live Talking-heads!
    btw the only one time i read a post of purely narcotic was couple of months back and i came away with a feeling that you are an english nazi who presumes talking ‘propah’english equates to intellectual superiority..tccchh! tccch! behind all that facade of yours are still & always be an Airhead or to put it more mildly a ‘lighthead’
    keep up the good work girls…see you all later in burning hell.

  15. tccchh! tccch! behind all that facade of yours are still & always be an Airhead or to put it more mildly a ‘lighthead’
    How you know so much about me? You have met me, talked to me, spent time with me? Why do I not remember you then? Your intellectual superiority astounds us, but of course. Where would we be without you to look up to?
    Burning hell be yours. We are better off in steamy heaven.

  16. Surprisingly, even we have those signs in the cinema halls, but all they show are cell phones and lasers. Showing kids might be considered a bit rude out here I guess! Hope things change!
    About the society’s do-gooders who have given up on mortals like us, who waste time blogging rather than saving the society, I think it’s a case of too much time on hand! Why else would they bother to come back so many frigging times just to reply :)). And reiterate their weird theories!

  17. Yawn!
    I am bored now. Really. Just to reiterate, when was the last time you checked on our ‘social behaviour’, ‘our need to change it’ and of course ‘our vehement opposition to doing so’. Whatever. Like I said it’s boring now. And if all you want is a place to write down your mangled opinions, start a blog of your own nuh? Oh, that would be a waste of time right, so once again, just get back at correcting the society, will ya?
    Case closed. Yawn.

  18. Anonymous

    few more to wat u said..
    Rabin here…excellent post..I have few more to wat u listed in your post…
    1. Blaring ringtones in offices and the person is no-where around to pick up the call… it’s so irritating.. (unless n until it’s a lovely song getting played .. )
    2. SMS ringtones with their kids speaking up.. I know we all like our kids to speak those lovely lovely stuff we try to teach.. n also to record n listen.. but please avoid it to have those tones blaring in a office now n then…
    3. clone’s…. every tom dick n harry can’t become a dhoni or SRK or john by having same hair cut or 6 packs or watever …. come on .. hav whichever suits u.. jst coz those ppl had it, don’t follow it blindly.. i wonder if ppl stopped having mirrors in their homes to c how badly they luk in those styles….

  19. Re: few more to wat u said..
    :)) Good ones! And Thanks!
    I know a person too, whose ring tone is his child’s laughter, which i found cute initially, but seriously, afterall while got a little too much to take!
    I wont even get into the Dhoni look-alikes!

  20. Anonymous

    Ultimately cool. Backstreet boys and britney spears. WOW. :))
    And you, you with the blog on live journal. we know you’re pissed but do you have to shout it out at us every single time? He he , post-post-reading- effect only.. I know you’re a good sport. 😀

  21. Anonymous

    How you know so much about me?
    so i wanted to take the higher road and clicked on your link and presto all the posts are i must have touched at some level for this kind of reaction.Its really flattering to see two women coming on so strongly and menage a trois is everyman’s dream and all that but seriously divya is married and you are just not my type and more importantly i dont fool around…so if you look harder, you may just get lucky..

  22. Ok, I am kinda done with the nonsense over here. You don’t like how irresponsible I am, fine, but you get personal, and trust me, you’ve had it. Don’t come back here, I mean it. You have your opinions, and every right to defend them, but personal comments not happening. I am deleting and ignoring your comment, just don’t do it again.

  23. Yeah now make fun of me!
    I usually steer clear of controversies, but this very innocent post seems to have drawn some seriously negative comments. I just screened anonymous comments in fact!

  24. Haha! You know when you have to set something straight on a website, you make the posts private. You don’t know? Now you do!! 😀
    divya is married and you are just not my type and more importantly i dont fool around…so if you look harder, you may just get lucky..
    That really had me ROTFL.
    Ah, Virginal Monologues eh? Happens. Till you get lucky, so long!

  25. Anonymous

    Ah, Virginal Monologues eh?
    nope, its from fidelity monologues but i guess you don’t let your morals get in the way of some good action.
    hail girl power!! hail Vampires!!!
    P.s Sorry divya..i was about to boot myself out but thanks to ‘purely idiotic’…btw i did help your traffic to go up dramatically… I am sure purely idiotic is not going down without a fight.

  26. Anonymous

    Re: few more to wat u said..
    have u ever been in this situation…
    1) watching a nice lovely hindi (Which is becoming rare these days) film … wid few strangers at ur backseat.. one of the strangers asks his friend – “machi.. ennada solraanga.. (wat r they saying..)” .. d other translates d movie dialogues scene by scene not only to his friend but also to d ppl sitting in d nearby rows (tht much audible)..
    hell.. if u don’t knw d language.. get d dvd of d film wid the subtitles n watch in ur home.. … y r u troubling others…
    2) offlate, hav been experiencing this gr8 problm in chennai.. don’t knw if it’s same in other cities too..
    wud b driving car / bike in good speed.. suddenly u see a very very very very ( i repeat very) intelligent person (both young n old) crossing d road out of nowhere..d highlight is he/she won’t b lukng in ur direction(skipped learning traffic rules at early age)…. he/she wud b showing u his/her palm asking us to stop (maharaja is walking… all stop) n he/she wud b discussing about wat they ate d previous day over d phone wid sme xyz…..bugging ppl to core..
    feel like knocking off those ppl.. atleast city population will cme down… 🙂

  27. Re: few more to wat u said..
    Yes yes! Infact, this sunday, while watching Fashion, I had a bunch of tam guys sitting right behind us having the exact same conversation! Funny you brought that up!
    About type 2 you mention, I am almost scared of such people, it is so damn difficult to see what’s coming your way if you’re on the phone, and chances are for no fault of anyone, you actually might get knocked down! Phew!

  28. Thanks for the traffic, but I would rather have the place free of abuses, personal comments and such. Like I said, this page might seem useless to you, but I like coming here, atleast till now. You have issues with anybody handle it there, our conversation’s closed, and hence your comment remains screened. Thanks.

  29. Anonymous

    What it is? Anonymous peebils coming and visiting and all? Cha you have all the FUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!! 😛
    You a air head a. Then that guy is a vacuum head only.

  30. Oh you saw now onlyaa?
    That was the nicest war ever! And this is when I have screened a couple of nastier and meaner comments out here. Very very mean peebil these I say! Poor poor me, trying to make a joke out of all bad things in life, and facing so much hatefulness. Sigh.

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