Road rage (or how to deal with the jerks on the road who make you go Argh!)

Dear NSN (to the other readers, this will be an alternative name we will use for The Dude going forth, because Dear ‘The Dude’ sounds awful and Dear Dude is plain wrong)

We have a problem. Ok, I have a problem. Remember how I always said that you were the calmer one between the two of us, and I had no control over my temper? Well, I still say that, except I should have added a disclaimer that this doesn’t apply to one particular case. When we are on the road. Yes. I am referring to your obvious dislike of people who think they own the roads. I know you think I am a sissy, but then I guess I am. So I thought I would pen down a few Golden rules for Road rage. To follow them or not is totally your call, but I will put them out here anyway.
  • We are in India. Changing lanes every few seconds by turning on your indicator is a very regular thing to do in our country. This does not warrant high degree road rage. However, a good alternative solution would be to overtake the vehicle and do the same in front of him. Just to piss him off obviously.
  • Whenever someone cuts you, or overtakes you from the left, look at who it is before driving to him and giving him a piece of your mind. The phrases used should depend on the kind of vehicle and the kind of person driving it. Some obvious cases would be;
  1. Cab – Let go. It’s a driver. He is uneducated. He doesn’t even own the car in all probability. He is not worth the effort
  2. Auto – If he overtook you, something’s wrong with the car!
  3. Biker – If it is a student/professional roll down the window and say something to the effect of ‘ Dude, if you want to die, please don’t do it in front of my car’. If it is some sort of a weird looking gunda, please let go. Once again, he might have a hundred accomplices who might come and beat us up or something.
  4. Car – Here, discretion is necessary. If it is a driver, you don’t need to do anything, because it won’t help anyway. If it is the owner, drive up, roll down the window and say ‘ Hello!’ a bit angrily, and I will say ‘ Leave it, it’s a driver after all, what would he know?‘ Trust me, that will hurt more than any abuse, and especially if a girl says it.
  • Trucks and Buses and tractors are a league apart. The league of no brakes and no steering control. Plus the drivers couldn’t care less. They think they own the road. I would say, let them. Stay off. Slow down. Please keep distance. Horn. Ok. Please.
  • If someone resorts to consistent honking, look at him in the mirror and make a ‘What?‘ sign with your hand. If he persists, stick your head out and ask him to ‘fly over‘ if he feels like. If even that doesn’t work, stop the car, and block his way for a while, that should be fun.
  • Abuses have to be stored for the worst cases only. That would be when anyone touches the car. Physical damage to our pretty City is not acceptable. Here again, check the kind of person you’re dealing with before choosing the language in which you intend to launch your tirade.
  • Note the reaction of said offender. If he is defensive, or blames you, you can resort to the ‘ Oh really? Let’s settle this’ mode. If he is annoying and smirks, or grins, or thinks it is funny, it is good to resort to the abuses. If he accepts his fault and looks sorry, let the poor chap go with a ‘ Come on, can’t you see where you’re going!’
  • Whichever method you choose, please do not get totally worked up. We are growing older, and this kind of temper does no good to the heart and blood pressure. I am always reminded of the Saffola ads when you do it, and it scares me more than anything else. I know you cool down immediately, but I am still a wimp when it comes to these things.
  • Oh of course, if the issue involves monetary loss of any kind, please feel free to get off and do whatever you can to resolve it, because I know in that case, forget my golden rules, you would probably forget that I am sitting next to you.

If there are any cases you think I missed out on, and which you think warrant a mention out here, please let me know, and I will put them up immediately. Hopefully, we will never have to use it. But driving in India, I might as well wish for a million dollars instead. Ok, a billion.

No more digression, that’s all I wanted to say. Signing off now.

A very-very-scared-and-never plan-to-drive-on-these-roads,

85 thoughts on “Road rage (or how to deal with the jerks on the road who make you go Argh!)

      1. Oh hi! Welcome to the blog 😉 Hehe, this my lame attempt at calming things down on the road, if not all atleast a few would help! 😀

    1. Hehe! Yay! I am happy with anyone being first today, because I got my due share after a LONG time! Phew!

      Oh, I know , these men! I think it is some kind of an ego issue if they don’t verbally bash up the offender! 😦

      1. Yeah, you’re giving me too many opportunities to throw something at you! :S
        Piyu, go ahead, share the seat with her, and push her off or something, on my behalf!

      1. She is, that’s why she will do it anyway! 😉
        No amount of buttering is going to help that. Piyu always does what is right. Hai na Piyu ;)?

      2. Hehe, all this buttering and quivering.. I am sharing the first throne but not sure what to do next :P.. I am trying to shift little by little, will make my move when Sags is asleep.. dont worry Sags.. I won’t push you down.. just gently keep you on the floor.. you wont feel a thing 😉

        Btw, Like this look more than the previous one DI :).

        1. Finally! We waited and waited for your judgement, and you come now! 😀 I am happy with it, just FYI. I am pretty non-violent myself, so the ‘gentle keeping on the floor’ works for me!
          Thanks, goes to show how jobless I was. There are some awesome themes here, but I seem to have trouble with most. As in, most of the themes show my old posts, but the comments go missing, the number shows, but not the actual content! So I can’t use them 😦 This one was new and worked fine, so yay! But it is not at all girly!

      3. Sorry for the long wait, I had to try hard not to sit on the fence 😛

        I kind of like the fact that it is not girly too :).. And WP themes eating up the comments – chi chi! not done at all..

        1. 😛 Like I said, when you finally got off the fence, I think you’re pretty much on the right side!
          @Sagarika where are you? Have you left already? We need your reactions!

  1. Trucks and buses.. really rule the jungle that is call road. I completely agree, you have to let them be.

    Hyderabad roads are really scary, and the cab drivers – extremely rash. I remember holding to door of the cab as if I were holding on to my life during my pickups and drops.

    Rage, is just gonna hurt yourself, no impact on the person you are angry on 😦

    1. Oh yes! And seriously, can you really expect a Truck driver to understand anything about driving sane! Especially after they do these night long drives and stuff! 😦

      The cabs are mad yes! It’s like a rollercoster!

      I am trying to be a very good wife and not nag, but seriously, these incidents really really leave me shaken! 😦

    2. Hyd roads.. the best example for bad traffic rules…. walk against the traffic is the safest option in that city… nothing rules, no rules… 😀

      1. We always ensure that we walk against traffic! The Dude keeps saying it is better to know what’s about to hit you than not know what hit you 😉

    1. Oh, I don’t drive at all! And I cannot relax for a moment when we are driving within the city! I think I say ‘careful’ atleast a 100 times every morning and evening 😦

  2. Arrey DI, sab theek toh hai na? So many posts this week? 😛
    Hilarious post this was! 😀
    I go all “Please please please” when my Dad doesn’t give me the car. But frankly, I am actually relieved when he doesn’t. Who’ll go through all this hassle! For all you know, I’ll start crying if I am angry at someone on the road! 😀

      1. Yup work’s quite less now coz am shifting out of here and moving close to you 😛 .. once new office starts… I duno what will happen 😕 … Ya ya mad posts definitely… qith me around.. need no food no thought ..Amen!

        1. Aha! Close matlab Bangalore? Or same city? And don’t worry about new office, as long as we have internet, blogging will happen! Yay us! Oh, and I am not making fun of you or teasing you anymore. Just remember my choice of chocolate!

    1. I am inspired people, totally inspired. By this whole bunch of bloggers who write everyday without fail. Sagarika tops that list. Ek nahi do-do post daily, and then comments at 5:30 AM. Tsk, I wonder which company she worls for 😛

      Good it made you laugh, because the incident which prompted me to write this almost made me cry 😦 😦 Oh, and though The Dude loves driving, he said he’s had enough with the in-city drives. I am getting back to my Hyderabad darshan bus from Monday 😦

        1. Oh yes, totally! That and some awesome sleep you can catch on! Plus the ipod when it actually plays, only your songs 🙂 I will look at the brighter side of it! 😉

      1. Dekhna jab hum nahin rahenge humko tum kitna miss karoge….. and yes I blog only in free hours and comment either when I am in a meeting or taking a break!!!! hmmpphh ;P

        1. What were you on a break from at 5 30 AM exactly? Or was it a meeting ? Hahahahaha!
          Anyway, don’t tell me you will be missing from blogworld :o! Hello. Zurich is all about looking at the Alps and dreaming and writing dreamy posts! A holiday is all about free hours after all! So don’t dare to go missing! You can also write about why that place is always cold, and how German is tough to understand!

      2. Give me your email Id.. I think I need to mail my paper on Bt Brinjal and Precuationary Principal to make u understand what i needed a break from!!! And yes Zurich is all about a mad sister, a madder bil and maddest of all the – My MOM … yearly meets are barely dreamy … err… and for German I go on repeating Gretsi and Dankeshan and give my boootifoool smile ;D

        1. If you insist! I guess you have to make up for all the vellagiri at work later in the night! Totally understand! 😀
          I’m sure the smile works far better than your version of the German language 😛 Have fun out there, and mad posts are much funner than dreamy posts, I am sure you will have enough food for thought!

    1. Hahaha! And be thrown out of the car forever? Thanks, but no, thanks!
      I dont think he’s read it just as yet 😀 Let’s see what he has to say of my awesome ideas!

  3. Err so the golden rules are passed on to NSN? Whatz the verdict 😛

    Trust me, that will hurt more than any abuse, and especially if a girl says it – He he I luv it … awesome rule 😀

    1. He can’t access blogs from work, unlike some of us ;)! Also, I am sure that till the markets are open, nothing will matter to him!
      😀 I have used it just once, and the guy’s face became SO small! It works, absolutely!

    1. 😀 Danke! And that line was actually used and works too! Much better than abuses that too, because here usually the receiver has no response at all!

  4. ROFL!! DI it surprises me how you and I are living ABSOLUTELY parallel lives.. Only I don’t get to go to Zurich! It’s a pity we don’t know couples like The Dude and you here in Bangalore 😐

    I am emailing this link to my The Dude. And that must be the most grammatically incorrect sentence I have ever said 😛

      1. Arre, ‘The Dude’ is fine alright, but ‘Dear The Dude’ would have been too unacceptable. And I didn’t want to write ‘Dear Dude’, because he is not ‘a’ dude, he is ‘The’ Dude. And don’t say anything about NSN. He considers his initials super cool! 😀

    1. It’s awesome no, when you find someone being in the same situations like yourself? 😀
      Oh please go to Zurich somehow! Not because it is anything awesome, but because you will get over it and wish for nicer things in life! Actually in its defense, it is a beautiful place IF you have the right company!
      And IT IS a pity that we don’t know couples like you here as well! We are forever wondering where people like us are, and I keep telling The Dude ‘In the blogworld’ Argh!
      Hehe, My ‘the Dude’ read it on his phone (surprisingly) and as of now has promised to consider some of the options 😉

        1. 😀 😀 My only grouse is WHY in the world are none of us in the same city!!
          About Sagarika, now I am sure she has already left to Zurich, nothing else explains the silence 😛

  5. Another similarity, most of my posts are read on the phone too.. Because they can read it without wasting their oh-so-precious time at work I guess 😛

    And ok ok I will try my best to get over Zurich. Bagal mein Yercaud hai na.. That’s where I get to go this year 😛 😛

    1. Hehe! These men! 😉
      Bangalore ke paas kaafi weekend getaways hai na. That’s quite lucky. We have to do a minimum of 8 hours driving to get anywhere!
      The only thing I related with Zurich before I ended up going there was DDLJ! How did I know I would end up there solving case studies and not singing ‘Zara sa jhoom loon me’, drunk on Cognac ;)! Oh, I was high on white wine though, while working on the cases :P!

      1. Guys have some consideration for a girl who’s leaving for the place in dicussion and has a family living there!!!! and yes I never said anything about NSN .. I just said The Dude is better grrrr ;P

        Zurich is good… Zurich is fun… Zurich is the place to be hun *I am siging this and not listening to you guys coz u r speaking the lingo of my sub consious mind who hates the place*!!!

        1. Zurich is awesomeness. It is pretty. It has yummy chocolates. And cheese fondue. And snow. And the Alps. It’s nice and cold and you can have fireplaces and hot chocolate and read. And blog. So yes. Zurich is good.
          Did that work?

        1. Bas. Abhi ke liye itna hi. I am hoping the smiley doesn’t depict any kind of sarcasm or humour. I am expecting a courier around June 18th. It will be a good gift for my anniversary also. Thank you very much 😀

  6. I do that sometimes :-/ Yell at people, that is. Particularly if they almost kill me by being careless and then assuming it’s all my fault because I’m a woman! Grr!

    Oh, I don’t drive, only ride…guess it would be worse if I were driving a car! :-/

    1. I will tell you a secret, I do it too, while riding. But even I do it mainly when I am sure I would have gotten killed, thanks to them. Or if it is guys zipping right past you just for fun. Which is painful on a two wheeler when you end up losing your balance. In a car I am half worried that while yelling, someone else will bump into us or something. But I guess you’re right, I am not the driver, so I wouldn’t know what causes all the anger 😦

  7. okay, I have no rights to talk about roads and vehicles. I’m the slow tortoise, and anything upwards 10 kmph makes me a jelly-bean.

    but i totally loved that line! Ah, DI and Dude were both “D” words(ok, kill me now for this revelation)

    1. Oh, then road rage will not do good to your nerves. Not at all. 😦
      Hehe, thanks! The revelation has been duly noted, and I think I will stick to “The Dude”. People seem to have gotten habituated to the name. DI and The Dude has a better ring to it than DI and NSN. Sheesh.

  8. rechristened

    This post is so close to my heart. While most commentators are seeing humor in this, it’s actually making me cry because I can picture each and every word. My fear for the road/traffic/driving is well-known in my circle, and is made fun of! I think I have several, mild heart attacks every time I travel by road, be it in the car driven by anyone, or a rickshaw or taxi. My guy shouts at me saying my actions distract him!!! Tell me, how is hitting an imaginary brake or holding on to the door handle or burying my head in my lap distracting, huh?!

    Wish people in this country were more civilized on the roads. Mumbai traffic is equally bad…in fact, it’s so bad, I consider Delhi roads safe now 😐

    1. 😦 Oh ho. The intention is not to make you sad! But I know man, I mentioned somewhere that though I made a joke of it, it came up from a pretty bad incident of sudden braking and name calling! I try to be as neutral because The Dude feels the same way about me distracting him by reacting. So I keep muttering ‘careful’ as if it helps.
      I am unable to learn driving, because I am pretty sure I don’t have the guts to step out on the street anyway 😦
      I could not help but smile at the ‘burying your head in the lap’ bit. 🙂

  9. rechristened

    No worries. It’s a fear I live with every day. 85% of my Twitter updates are about the vehicular movement (or the lack of it) on Indian roads and how I hate it LOL!

    1. Funny you would say that, because I think most of my twitter updates, especially the ones from the phone, are dissing the traffic and rash drivers! 😀

    1. Oh yes, the colors of that template were totally customisable! This one’s quite ‘cool’ rather than pretty! Whenever I am bored, and have nothing to say, I change my template! Have you done it too? Off to check!

      1. Chinkurli

        Nono, I just kept changing templates until I found the one I liked a few weeks ago. Abi’s changed hers, Revs and Comfy did… 🙂

        1. Went and checked out all of them :D! I always liked your template, very neat, but didn’t take it because it will be same-same!
          Oh, and Abi has the same one as me! I love the ones where the background is customizable 😦 but half the things don’t work for me! Plus I am technically challenged so no way out at all!

    1. Thanks! 😀 The Dude finally read it, and in fact followed point 1! It took me a few minutes to register what he was doing when I saw he was driving REALLY slow in front of this guy who cut him the wrong way just before!

  10. ajay

    Nice ideas 🙂 They should work I think but the important thing is one should maintain one’s cool and not let it turn into a rage. Then there won’t be any road rage at all. When I was learning to ride bike, I would get intimidated by ruffians. Low on confidence, I was an easy prey. But I kept my cool and now I wish they would come in front. I would take my sweet revenge by using your ideas 😀
    Oh and this theme reminds me of MTV Roadies. It has a rough and tough look to it but I think I liked the previous one better.

    1. Yep, say this to The Dude! The amount of temper he displays is scary! 😦
      Yes Yes, use them and let me know how it works 😀
      You’re right, the theme is like the roadies homepage alright! 😮 The last one made me feel way too girly I guess, so I am balancing it out woth some roughness toughness! 😉

    1. Oh it is infuriating alright! But imagine when the guy driving on your side has a temper that puts your anger to shame, very tough to handle! 😦

  11. Wow! what a collection of behavior on road tips 😀
    I am still laughing at the teaser to tell the car driver “Oh! he’s just a driver”
    I bet you’ll burn down his ego for a very long time 😉 🙂

    1. Hehe! Thanks CB! And welcome here 😀
      I really hope it does the required job! There are times the guys don’t even get what is being said 😦

  12. Hoi 🙂
    Where are u:)

    don’t tell me u are on the roads saying ararrrrrrgh to a whole set of ppl still 😉

    to take ur mind off, I’ve tagged u.. 🙂

    1. 😀 I saw the tag Pinoo! Looks awesome fun to do! Will be my next post!
      No I have stopped going Argh, I am trying to venture into expletives now! 😛

  13. Sorry I just dug an old post, but don’t these rules differ from city to city?

    In Delhi I would not even dare look at someone trying to be smart – you never know who has a gun and who has a knife inside!
    In Mumbai or Pune, I may want some rules like these 🙂
    In Hyderabad, aren’t the people too humble? I’ve observed, though they have the worst driving habits, you don’t feel bad when they smile at you and say “chodo na jee, kya tum bhi sochte ho itna, kuch nahin hua hai jee”…

    I think the worst kind of drivers are educated people driving sedans (or Altos the same), wearing suits, and having “high beams” always ON in the city limits… some of them even having fog lamps ON!!


    1. Haha. Point. I have seen that people are quick to apologise out here. But then this was put together when we had a very obvious bad week with multiple dealings with scary individuals.
      You’re right about Delhi though 😐 I have been reading a number of stories of road rage related violence lately!

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