- We are in India. Changing lanes every few seconds by turning on your indicator is a very regular thing to do in our country. This does not warrant high degree road rage. However, a good alternative solution would be to overtake the vehicle and do the same in front of him. Just to piss him off obviously.
- Whenever someone cuts you, or overtakes you from the left, look at who it is before driving to him and giving him a piece of your mind. The phrases used should depend on the kind of vehicle and the kind of person driving it. Some obvious cases would be;
- Cab – Let go. It’s a driver. He is uneducated. He doesn’t even own the car in all probability. He is not worth the effort
- Auto – If he overtook you, something’s wrong with the car!
- Biker – If it is a student/professional roll down the window and say something to the effect of ‘ Dude, if you want to die, please don’t do it in front of my car’. If it is some sort of a weird looking gunda, please let go. Once again, he might have a hundred accomplices who might come and beat us up or something.
- Car – Here, discretion is necessary. If it is a driver, you don’t need to do anything, because it won’t help anyway. If it is the owner, drive up, roll down the window and say ‘ Hello!’ a bit angrily, and I will say ‘ Leave it, it’s a driver after all, what would he know?‘ Trust me, that will hurt more than any abuse, and especially if a girl says it.
- Trucks and Buses and tractors are a league apart. The league of no brakes and no steering control. Plus the drivers couldn’t care less. They think they own the road. I would say, let them. Stay off. Slow down. Please keep distance. Horn. Ok. Please.
- If someone resorts to consistent honking, look at him in the mirror and make a ‘What?‘ sign with your hand. If he persists, stick your head out and ask him to ‘fly over‘ if he feels like. If even that doesn’t work, stop the car, and block his way for a while, that should be fun.
- Abuses have to be stored for the worst cases only. That would be when anyone touches the car. Physical damage to our pretty City is not acceptable. Here again, check the kind of person you’re dealing with before choosing the language in which you intend to launch your tirade.
- Note the reaction of said offender. If he is defensive, or blames you, you can resort to the ‘ Oh really? Let’s settle this’ mode. If he is annoying and smirks, or grins, or thinks it is funny, it is good to resort to the abuses. If he accepts his fault and looks sorry, let the poor chap go with a ‘ Come on, can’t you see where you’re going!’
- Whichever method you choose, please do not get totally worked up. We are growing older, and this kind of temper does no good to the heart and blood pressure. I am always reminded of the Saffola ads when you do it, and it scares me more than anything else. I know you cool down immediately, but I am still a wimp when it comes to these things.
- Oh of course, if the issue involves monetary loss of any kind, please feel free to get off and do whatever you can to resolve it, because I know in that case, forget my golden rules, you would probably forget that I am sitting next to you.
If there are any cases you think I missed out on, and which you think warrant a mention out here, please let me know, and I will put them up immediately. Hopefully, we will never have to use it. But driving in India, I might as well wish for a million dollars instead. Ok, a billion.
No more digression, that’s all I wanted to say. Signing off now.