Ok, now it 4:26 PM, and I am feeling a little better. I can see the the very grey skies right outside my window. And that makes me happy. Grey, cloudy skies. Looks like I haven’t had enough of the rains yet. The rains which clog the streets, ensure that there is a traffic jam every single day on my way back home, even cause power cuts. But then, these are the rains which killed the harsh-harsh summer, which make you want to snuggle deeper into the blanket and listen to the thunder, and in general make you want to listen to ‘Bahara’ and ‘Shaam’ on loop and do this Bollywood style twirling around in the open. And of course, which bring up the water table in our area, so that we get water 24 hours a day, and no longer do I need to wake up at 7 in the morning on a Sunday to wash my hair.
Ok, coming to the reason why i started this post in the first place. So, I was doing this self-introspection thing yesterday, during a relatively lazy and jobless hour at work, and I thought of this weird situation and tried to analyse it bit. I was like, ok, first some background. I consider being able to weave magic from words as the biggest form of art. The biggest ever. So the situation was, if I were given an opportunity to trade the way I look (good, bad, ugly not the point, looks as of today, and when I say trade, I mean change to something less acceptable to you than your current state), for the ability to write this amazing book, which was to be a sure short commercial hit, and at the same time, garner positive critical acclaim, would I do it? The answer was no. Without much thought. Which then made me think if that made me an extremely shallow person.
I thought yes. Because of all the regular banter about looks being temporary, and inner beauty, and what is inside matters and what not. But when I put it forth to The Dude, he came up with the perfect retort. He said, consider the exact opposite situation. ‘What if you get to fix every small issue that you pick with your looks, your hair, or weight, or height, to match exactly what you think is perfect, but then, you would lose the ability to write whatever little bit you do now, and also the teeniest possibility of ever being able to write something substantial is lost forever, would you be ok?’ Apparently not. So that made me feel all better. What do you say?
Why am I writing all this here, because I thought this was one of the biggest examples of self-interrogation that I have ever put myself through, and that deserved a special mention. This is no way intended to make you folks worry about my state of mind, or if I am in general, ‘losing it’. Though fact of the matter is, I am to some extent losing it because The Dude is a mean guy and he is ditching me for 2 months. I think one should sign some sort of an agreement pre-marriage, limiting the number of days one is allowed to stay away. And no, it doesn’t matter if it is for work, staying away is staying away. Period.
That, and the fact that today is the last the day the whole of our team is together. One of my earliest friends from work is leaving, and it is just sad. Because this is the first time in my whole 5 years of work history that I had friends at work. Good, fun, like-minded friends. I still have the rest, but this gives me an ominous feeling that the group is degenerating.
Anyway, it is now 5:02 PM, and the world seems rosier. No, that is a wrong word. It is grey-er. And grey is nice. And things are nice. Ok, not so nice, but not so bad either. I am being positive. So that things are positive. It works no, apparently. Not that I know, or care. But still. And I know I am not making much sense now, so that would be the end of the post.