Dear Pigeons inhabiting the balconies and windows of our apartment,
I swear I am tired. I am a nature lover, I am. I love all things green, and respect all of God’s creations. I accept that I do not understand the purpose of certain creatures (like lizards, to be precise, I have no clue what purpose they solve in the environment, or the food chain. I mean, fine, they eat insects, yay, but who even eats them. They are very purposeless, but let’s not digress), but I still respect their existence, and maintain a dignified distance if they decide to co-inhabit my home.
But birds, I always liked, sincerelt. They are pretty, and chirpy, and nice, right? No harm to anyone, living on trees, laying eggs there, flying around where no one really goes, so there is no need to honk because they are sleeping in your path (like this brown eyed dog on our road, who I believe owns that street) or strolling across the street (like that herd of buffaloes on this huge road, who just decided to stop and look around at the oncoming vehicles, while we tried to make it to work on time). You guys know what I am talking about right?
Right. Then what is with this new found attitude I ask. If you act ignorant to what I referring to, think again. There is a lot that I have been noticing for a while.
First, ok, so 2-3 pigeons I understand, 10-15 pigeons, I don’t understand really, but I still go ahead and accept. But seriously, have you seen the number of you that have invaded out building? Have you? Too many I think! Ok, so it is raining, so all of you form this row right outside the TV room’s window and sit is it? Do you know how scary it is to open the window now? Let me tell you. Very. Especially, when all of you look magnified with your ruffled feathers, and choose to stare at me with those big beady eyes, there is no way I can keep that window open. Ever.
Then, coming to why there are so many of you. Have you ever heard of family planning? Ok, so the first time I saw eggs in our bedroom balcony, I was all like ‘Awww, pigeon babies, aww’ and there were babies of course, except the mom went berserk every time we even tried to peep at them and would attack quite viciously. So we stopped. Fine. And then, we reopened after quite some time, when the chirping stopped, and we were sure you were all grown up and gone. Only to see what? Two more eggs! That cycle has been on for a while, and that door can never be opened now. Do you know how stuffy it gets when there is a power cut? But no, why should you bother! You’re too busy in mass production aren’t you?
Also, the new found angry birds attitude. We are not pigs who stole your eggs. We are nice people who are letting you be. Ok, we are scared people who are letting you be. Then, why in the world does it sound like you are launching yourselves against our door every morning? What’s with that incessant flapping, and short, explosive sounds? I get the little ones are practising the art of flying, but isn’t this a little violent? I mean, assuming from the sounds of course, no one actually has the guts to open the door while you are out there. And don’t deny it, we even found a broken glass bottle there. We being our poor household help, who we pleaded to check the status.
And lastly, do I ever enter your home? I mean, one peek and you attacked us the way you did, but do you ever respect my need for privacy? Don’t act like you don’t remember, I am talking about that day when I was sitting at the computer, and you very comfortably flew in through the window and settled on the bed next to me. Do you know I could have had a heart attack right then? Or tripped and fallen on my way when I rushed out screaming? And what did you do? Made that weird guttural noise, and blinked. Like it was the most normal thing. It was not. I swear. I still can’t get over it.
So, all I was saying was , I will be leaving this place soon. And I wouldn’t be bothered as much by you guys at the new place guess. Can you fly 19 floors high? Anyway, that being said, do note that chimneys inside the kitchen are not good places for making out, you can actually get hurt. And also, remember, the next set of people here, might not actually be as patient and nice with you as we are. Though honestly, I wouldn’t mind if you gave us our life back for a little while, when we can open doors and windows without bothering as to who would storm in.
Till then, take care, and give a thought to my complaints, if you can, that is. I would never dream of bugging you with my life’s little issues.
A very hassled, newly pigeon-phobic,