It’s been long huh? Very long. As I start typing this random post, I can actually feel tears in my eyes, totally sentimental I am. Yep, that long.
Ok, not so much also. I am here for a reason, Lil Zo turns a grand 4 months old today! This is both a happy, and a depressing thing. Happy, because hello, come on, 4 months ain’t a joke. It’s really grown up in Zo world. Depressing because, well, I had given myself time till today to get back to work. So technically, I should get back to work tomorrow.
Only, I’m not. Heh. I am getting back to work the day after, because, this is interesting, because I have no clue how or why but I seem to have applied for an additional day off in the system. Ha Ha. So I go to submit my tax proofs last week, and I am like I will be back next Wednesday for good, and the boss is like er, no, you won’t, you’ll be back on Thursday, which is like such a lame day to be back to work, cos weekend is like 2 days away (no, he didn’t say it, but I could see his thought bubble forming). But then I explained the theory, that Zo needed to complete 4 months before I stepped back into office, and the goof-up, which I couldn’t explain because I have no explanation for it, so I just mentioned it. And it all makes sense now. Net-net, I am back to work on Thursday, and despite my whiny post about how staying at home was killing me, I am depressed. Man, talk about perennial whini-ness.
So, in honor of Zo’s 4th month birthday, I baked a cake. No experiments, but my patent choco-walnut cake. Which seems to have turned out quite well, only I haven’t tasted it, because we’ll cut it in the evening I thought, when The Dude gets back from work.
The last time I baked this very same cake (which by the way is like an assembly line job for me now), it turned out to be rock hard. And crunchy. Like it was to be used in this random toothpaste ad that I remember where the wife bakes a cake and then dances around with it for no reason, and it flies, and hits the refrigerator, and dents it. Not totally like it, because I think if this flew and hit the refrigerator, it would just fall and shatter into a million pieces or something. But in my defense, I was drunk that night, and suddenly decided we needed a cake. And I still don’t know what I missed to have screwed it up so bad. I am thinking butter.
Last week, after I returned from the parents’ place, I folded and stacked away a whole set of clothes, tiny onesies, little tank tops, that no longer fit Zo. And honestly, it made me quite sad. The thing is, it is quite a daunting thing to think that there are clothes which actually are now too small for her, or that she is too big for them. Zo has always been a tiny, light weight baby (though I don’t want to think of the low weight gain nightmares we had), and she floated in anything she wore. And all of a sudden, this. It just makes me feel that time’s flying by, and she’ll grow up very soon. On the other hand, I can’t wait for her other firsts, when she sits, when she crawls, when she walks, when she talks. Sigh. Seriously, there is no pleasing me, is there?
She’s been a sweetheart otherwise. There’s still no scope for night long sleeping for us. I actually have a deadline for a four month old to fall asleep each night (laugh all you want, but one day, it will work), and we make it a point for her to sleep in the crib. The fact that this sleep lasts between 3-4 hours max before she is up for a feed, and then has to be carried to the bed for the rest of the night (if we want to sleep again) is besides the point. In any case, baby steps it is.
Do I feel like a mother yet? I wouldn’t know. All I can vouch for is that I love the little one to bits, and I hate it when anything, or anyone makes her sad (even stupid mosquitoes which have bitten her yesterday), and it feels totally normal when I have to wake up multiple times to soothe her in the middle of the night after a hard tiring day. Oh, and when she is awake and loud, I try hard to make her sleep for a while, and when she is asleep (like right now, you’ve got to see her, sigh!), I want to shake her and wake her up, so that she would give me one of her many gummy smiles. I guess that’s about how it is.
And that’s that. I have rambled on enough for now, and I will give it a break. What say? An overdose of all things nice makes it not so nice right? There will be a next post, I assure you ,and myself.
And wish me luck. You see, come Thursday, and I will be a working mom.