Thoda hai, Thode ki zaroorat hai

I think I am quite a grown up now. Think about, I have been working for almost 7 years, I have been married for almost 5, I have invested in property, and I have been a mother for 6 months. I worry about work, I worry about finances, EMIs, about the baby – food, poop, sleep,clothes, everything, I already worry about which schools we would apply to when it is time. In short, I actually think beyond which movie to go for over the weekend, or which Pub plays Bollywood music on Saturday nights. And if this does not scream grown up, I wonder what does.

In a way, life has settled into a sort of a routine. There is always something to do, and there isn’t enough time.At the same time, there is always a feeling that not enough is being done. This is a surprising revelation, considering I am a heavily change resistant person. This does not work in favour of someone who also claims to dislike monotony. It is oxymoronic. Or in even shorter terms, plain moronic.

Anyhow, like I said, I am in pretty settled mode currently. Owing to all the grown up things I just mentioned, life is in a theoretical state of bliss, contentment. If life were a game of monopoly, we are in a state where 20  rounds have been played already.Places have been landed upon and bought, and pretty good ones at that. Perhaps Park Lane, and Mayfair did not happen, but we did manage a Green set with Bond street, Oxford Circus and Regent Street. A lot of taxes were paid, but we did manage to also land on Community and Chance and make money. Houses have been bought, the 1st, 2nd and the 3rd, and even the Hotels have been set up. We also own Kingcross Station, or perhaps Liverpool. And now we are going around the board, round and round. We pay rent, we receive rent, we get our 200 pounds every time we cross Start. And that’s about it. Routine.

Or monotony. Like The Dude mentioned, it’s the ‘What next?’ syndrome which is causing these thoughts to arise. At this time last year, a lot of things were in the ‘work-in-progress’ mode. The house was to be set, preparations for the new arrival were to be made, there was always so much to do, way too much at times. Before that, the perfect home was being looked for. Weekend over weekend was spent looking for the house which would suit the senses and the pockets. Like I said, there was always something that had to be done, and all we would wonder was when would be reach a stage where it all got settled.

Now it is, thank God for that. But the fact that we were always on-the-go for something or the other, the ‘settled’ phase isn’t exactly doing it. There is this nagging voice in the head which keeps repeating ‘Now what?’ in this annoying nasal tone. The challenge is to ignore it, lest we do something impulsive, and then in all probability the same tone will go ‘Nananananana, gotcha suckers!’. That, would be disastrous.

But then the heart wants what the heart wants. Only in this case, the heart is quite unaware of what it wants. It’s like this little kid who came to our house the other day, and asked my Mom to take her to the kitchen because she wanted to see ‘something’. My mom took her in, and she asked her what she wanted to see, to which the little one replied ‘ I told you, show me something, I just want to see something, I don’t know what!’ It’s just like that, and it ain’t a pretty feeling.

Which is what makes getting what I want secondary. The first and the foremost need is to know what I want in the first place. Getting it, can be dealt with later. For all you know, I might come across Alladin’s lamp, and it will be sad if the Genie appears and asks what I wish for, and I am all like ‘ Er, let me think now, would you like go and wander around a bit till I make up my mind?’ I doubt that would work, guy has better things to do I am sure.

Or, I could make life much simpler and just use up that wish to know what I want. Now that, would be bliss. If only.


31 thoughts on “Thoda hai, Thode ki zaroorat hai

  1. Shreya Ryan

    I thought I was the only one who ever felt this way!! But you actually stole all the words right from my heart and put it on paper… (ermm… blog!) Somehow I’m relieved that I’m not the only one who is clueless. I’ve been a secret reader of your blog for a long time now but couldnt help comment.

    I’m a married 28 yr old working girl (erm.. lady 😦 ) and although I’ve still got maternity to look out for but I get ya.. I wish I knew what I wanted too!! Life is sooooo boring otherwise..

    Do let me know how you handle it. 🙂

    1. Heheh, I am hoping to find a manual myself! Honestly, it is such a psychological thing, that I would never myself capable enough to quantify and face it for sure 😀 That being said, I doubt if there will ever be a phase when I will say, ‘this is it, we are done, and how!’
      Glad you delurked, I love knowing new readers! 🙂

  2. Tamanna Mishra

    Come ON! There is still so much to look forward to DI. And in so many different ways. First there will be the baby stuff – first lines, first day in school, so many firsts. Then there will be the relationship stuff – there is always going to be so much wonder and so many happy surprises in a good, happy marriage. And then there is the usual, everyday stuff – like a good day at work, that promotion, those bad days. Life is going to be made up of smaller happinesses, moments, no?The big stuff comes only once in a while, it’s the small things that the big events trigger, that bring all the happiness and memories.

    In fact, shouldn’t you be happy, that the big stuff is more or less taken care of and now you have all the time and money to figure out the small things, to really, really enjoy them.

    Am I making any sense here?

    1. Sigh, Tammy, kya bolen hum? I am totally nodding along to the smaller things in life thing, and I know in the end thats what adds up to the big picture! But somewhere there is this niggling thought of are we settling down in a comfort zone? Is there a lot more out there waiting to be experienced, and we are just missing it out because we feel content? I know, silly , but what to do?
      I already mentioned though that Zo remains and thankfully will remain the biggest project for quite some time to come! I am only hoping that there are peripheral things that get a little happening too 😉

  3. Err…while I hate to play a spoil sport…let the kiddo turn 8 months and I am sure you will have tons to look forward to..break things, throwing up, falling while trying to walk, poking her cute fingers into your nose, if you wear specs trying a million ways to break you want me to go on?

    Way to go DI, am impressed you n the Dude are ‘settled’ I am still going around like a headless chicken 🙂

    1. Hehe, honestly, I have totally not considered the day to day running around! With the baby, it has just become a multiplier of its formal self! I am just talking about the bigger ‘life altering’ things and decisions 😀
      That being said, Project Zo is what is keeping us going so far! I am totally dependent on her to add spice to our otherwise routine life, and she is doing a good job of that 🙂
      Oh, and don’t you worry, if you are considering me, I will FOREVER be a headless chicken even if you hand me over my entire life washed, ironed and presented to me on a tray!

  4. Neena

    I was reading this post and thinking how crazy we human beings are. I mean, here you are, all settled, comfortable and content, and you are wondering if there are going to be any life-altering things that are yet to come! Though I am far from settled, I do understand what you are feeling. All I can say is, enjoy life as it comes to you. There are so many great things to look forward to, as Tamanna very aptly put forward. Finishing reading a great new book , watching a really good movie, having the husband cook for you, going for vacations, shopping for clothes, etc. etc. There’s so much fun to look forward to! For the moment, just enjoy your life. I know a lot of people who would give anything to have a life similar to yours. COME ON!!

    1. 😐 I now feel weird for even saying all the aloud! I know, I know, I am grateful for all that I have, I am assuming I am in settled state, and touchwood, I am glad about the way things are!
      And yes, the smaller aspects are slowly creeping back into life as well 🙂 I guess the enjoying life for the moment is what is to be done, esp. since there is an opportunity here for that! 😀

    1. I know I sound weird, but sometimes you need something to keep you going , and settled can get boring! 😀 In any case, the grass is always greener, but I dont mean I want life to be not-settled!

  5. shati

    Hey DI (:d…feels weird to call you by that name).
    I am really happy for you & as usual you are thinking a lot ( I guess old habits die hard ;)). just remember sweetheart whatever you have got (touch wood!!!) you have worked hard for it. So just sit back relax & enjoy. Lots of love

    1. Hehe, no comments! 😀 I never realised that I was always the thinking kind! 😮
      But thanks for all that you said. It does make it easier to accept things the way they should be! 😀

  6. I am in the most unsettled phase of my life. Ever. And I am not liking it one bit! I kept nodding my head while reading your post, thinking hmm, this is what it should be like in some years. 🙂

    But I guess everything on the other side always looks good! 🙂

    1. I know I know, and for generally restless souls, this is a given!
      And don’t you worry, you’ll be there soon, and then, you can look back and think! Perhaps I will send you this comment when you blog about it!

  7. You sound happy and settled. Touche. 😛
    May the good times go on and a personal advice would be: don’t be too grown up. There is unparalleled fun in planning the weekend movie and the Saturday night. Like I said, fun in the ‘planning’. Being grown up means you may not actually get to materialize the plan. 😛 Do I sound like a grandma? Sheesh. Considering your checklist, I am still a toddler.

    1. 😮
      Okie lady! Point taken! Currently I feel like a toddler who’s broken something and has all the biggies wagging their fingers at me! :O

  8. Hi, have been reading your blog for sometime now. Couldn’t help commenting on this post though. I have always related to your posts because it seems most of the times as if we are in the same phase. I have been working for 7 years and married for almost 5 years. My daughter is slightly older at 15 months now.

    But, in this post, it’s as if you spoke my mind. I have been troubled by that feeling of what’s next feeling for quite sometime now. Its as if life is getting too settled for my comfort 🙂

    1. Hey there! I am honestly relieved there are people who feel like me out there, everyone’s pretty much been scolding me for not enjoying life 🙂 Would love to check out your blog!

  9. Pingback: Oh babe, I hate to go | And that's what it's all about

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