Three times you can bite me

Mumma wants a guest post.

I am not in favour of all this really. I think it is too much pressure. You see, fine, I know me being out here will mean the page gets more attention. I get it. But we famous people have a life too you know?  And then, you make it sound like it is an honour or something. That makes it even tougher to turn it down you know, because if you do, you’re labelled arrogant. Bah. Being famous has its drawbacks!

Anyway. I thought of being a sweetheart. You know, I am a softie like that. I know it doesn’t show as obviously (especially if you see that bruise on Mumma’s lower lip, where I banged my head yesterday), but in reality, I am.

So Heya people. You know me, I need no introduction, do I?  Mumma keeps grumbling about how you keep asking for more stories about me. Poor thing, can’t handle being sidelined I am assuming. But what is one to do I ask? I mean, you guys can’t be blamed if I have such a happening life, and all you ask for is a slice of that! Yes, yes, if you’re reading this, you can claim I ‘personally’ said hello to you! You people, so much adoration I tell you, I am overwhelmed!

I complete 8 months today. Big you say? I think it is just more pressure. So much more to do. And so much more ability to do all of it. Sigh. These days, I am super mobile. I am never in one place. Mumma wrote a post about weight loss remember, I think I helped her with that. She calls me a cardio workout, by the way, and I don’t disagree.

A couple of weeks ago, I stood holding the play gym for support, and my mom kept screaming that it would fall. But why would it? I have that much sense! So I casually walked from one end of the room to the other pushing it, pinned against the other wall, and continued playing. When I look up, my mom had frozen mid hair-straightening, and was staring at me open-mouthed. My Dad was grinning as usual. I refused to react to all this and went back to my more fun activity of playing. I mentioned it here because I thought that was an over reaction. Just saying.

So now that I have access to the various nooks and corners of the house and the things, I obviously have a few favourites. Like shoes. Actually Mumma’s bathroom slippers are the best, yummy! She keeps shrieking whenever I take as much as a lick. I am thinking it’s got to do with the fact that she eats that tasteless Muesli. She can’t see me happy. Then ofcourse, the peripherial objects, socks, laces, the dirtier and stinkier, the better.

Oh, and have you tasted paper? Oh My God you don’t’ know what you’re missing out on! Paper is like, legen-wait for it-DARY! Newspaper is the best, it is recycled right? Recycled means, you don’t know it’s origin really. Then it’s been in the dirtiest of places, and that means it is, yes, it is dirty! So it is delicious, I swear!

And have you tried any microscopic bit of dirt on the ground? You might not have, you need my awesome vision for that. I make a tremendous effort to spot those, pick them and then proceed to put them in my mouth. I am very meticulous like that. Nothing can escape my eye! Or Mouth.

I currently am very fond of the Gummy Bear song. In English and Spanish. I like that green bear singing that song in his nasal voice, cute right? Mumma lets me watch it often, mostly on her phone. She seemed quite happy that I enjoyed it, and I was happy that  finally she’s letting me have fun, when she did it again. You know, interfered in my happiness? All I did was to pick up her iPhone and give it one lick and then before I could have chewed it for even 5 seconds, there she was. Snatching it away. I don’t get this woman, really.

It’s not that I want to eat everything. My parents think that’s all I like. But that’s not true. There are so many other things I like doing, if they would let me. Whenever I try sitting on the Mac, no. If I try banging on it, no. If I try picking up the iPhone(yeah, her beloved phone!) and throwing it just see how far it goes, no. If I try climbing on the cylinder, no. There is just NO limit on the restrictions these people place on me.

Then there are other silly things as well. So I want to crawl between the two recliners to come to the other side. How does it matter if they space is just 1 inch? Let me try, will ya? And so what if I leave whatever I am holding for support all of a sudden, aren’t these people supposed to be around to catch me? I mean, come on!

So many things, so many things! The list can go on. But then, if I try to put it all out here, it would be like trying to capture , umm, let me think, all my Mumma’s shoes in  her shoe rack? Ha ha. I can crack jokes too. Honestly, it helps that I am able to say all this to you guys, perhaps you could knock some sense into her. She gets so annoying at times!

Anyway, I am tired now. It was fun and all, this blogging business but then you are supposed to get back to the more pressing life matters sooner or later. So I will let you get back to yours, and I will get back to mine. You see, I just spotted a cockroach scurrying down the hall, that desperately needs to be followed.

Oh, and on second thoughts, spare Mumma the flak ok, I know, in her own absurd way, she does it all for my *air quotes begin* good *end air quotes*.

See ya around.

PS: If you don’t get the title of this post, we cannot be friends. I am sorry.

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40 thoughts on “Three times you can bite me

  1. Guest post? I would rather label this as a ‘pol-khol’ post from Zo 😀

    Awesome DI….You have chronicled Zo’s antics so well…it will bring a smile here and a laugh there whenever we read this

    This one takes the cake –
    “I stood holding the play gym for support, and my mom kept screaming that it would fall. But why would it? I have that much sense! ”

    😆

  2. Awww! dear Zo, whatever Mumma says, this is what your masi has to tell you

    1. Chappals taste the best when they are dirtiest..try chewing on your dad’s chappals after he comes back from the rain, the combination of the dirt + chappalish taste is amazing!
    2. Of course, I phones are meant to be chewed, otherwise why would Mumma give it to you bolo?
    3. you must bite your Mumma, otherwise how will she know how strong your gummy teeth are?
    4. And of course you should try the header move with her…afterall you may turn out to be a future footballer and she can show you off eh? and then she will only then know how strong your skull has become na?
    5. Paper tastes the best when its fresh..like when the paperwala has just dropped it..take it, chew the headlines and it tastes even better…your Dad can always read stuff online na!

    loads of love from this masi in Bombay

    RM 🙂

    • excellent now that you are getting up, I know exactly what and where you can reach.. shhhhhhhhhhhh I will email you .. if i put it here Mummy will know the secret and not let you do it .. .so hush hush 🙂

      and yes follow that cockroach, BACH KE NA JAANE PAYE, how dare it invade your area.. it does make a lovely crunchy noise when stepped on .. believe me try it ..

      🙂 i better disappear else your mum is bound to make the crunchy noise on me .. catch you later

      • DI says:

        Hi Bik Uncle!
        I love that idea! In fact, I am thinking of catching it with my fingers and giving it to Mumma as a gift? What do you say? 😛
        Don’t worry, this is our secret ;)!

  3. Di !!!

    How have you been ? looks like little Zo is keeping you super busy 🙂 My little one just completed 9 months, so i can totally relate to all your posts 🙂 I just dint come back to blogland after my little one’s arrival … utter laziness you see !! But every time i see your post, it feels like you are writing on behalf of me 😛 Keep writing (on my behalf, of-course !! :P)

    Hugs to you !!
    Kisses to Zo 🙂

  4. Zopia!!! mella cutoba 🙂 you’re the best!!! just keep at it 😉

    Dear DI mommy, this was not me above..it was my girl to your girl…you know right,sigh!!! let’s just hug each other and take a deep breath!

  5. Dear Zo,

    I was once like you, trying out new things – extremely curious and I still largely am.

    Curiosity will take you a long way in your quest for knowledge and learning. Soon you will realise those things are not worth spending your time and energy on! That “soon” will be as soon as you get introduced to some exciting and delicious food stuff categorised as “desserts”.

    Anyway, I still bite nails and nothing has been able to stop me at that 😐 Not so proud, but you get the sentiments, don’t you?

    Aditto

    • DI says:

      Ooh, desserts sound nice! Is that what Mumma eats by a dozen and then complains that she ate too much of? I am sure! Let me try and let you know. Till then don’t forget the recommended bathroom slippers, and newspaper. I am telling you, you won’t be disappointed!
      I don’t bite nails, because then what will I scratch myself and my parents with?
      I totally get you! 🙂

  6. Hi Zo…
    we try to give some gyan to ur mumma in office to let u go free…do watevr u want…but ur mumma…stubborn…she has rule book to be followed which she herself didn’t read when she was kid…so she is expecting u to be ideal daughter…but u shld force her to eat all those “dirty cum tasty” thngs…thn she will realize muesli is tasteless & benefit she will not put on weight “dirty tasty food without calories”…:))

  7. Aww Zo! You are the bestest. I understand how troubled you are by the constant interference from the adults. I hope you learn to ignore them. Mwah!

  8. Hey Zo, I’m a yummy tummy funny lucky gummy bear…..
    No, no, just joking, this is Zini here, let’s party pop, where we can find a good supply of shoes and cockroaches 🙂

  9. Jayashree Padmanabhan says:

    Love you Zo ! 🙂 . Your mom was very mischievous when she was a baby too . Let us have a little chat when we meet up next ! ok?

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