Mumma wants a guest post.
I am not in favour of all this really. I think it is too much pressure. You see, fine, I know me being out here will mean the page gets more attention. I get it. But we famous people have a life too you know? And then, you make it sound like it is an honour or something. That makes it even tougher to turn it down you know, because if you do, you’re labelled arrogant. Bah. Being famous has its drawbacks!
Anyway. I thought of being a sweetheart. You know, I am a softie like that. I know it doesn’t show as obviously (especially if you see that bruise on Mumma’s lower lip, where I banged my head yesterday), but in reality, I am.
So Heya people. You know me, I need no introduction, do I? Mumma keeps grumbling about how you keep asking for more stories about me. Poor thing, can’t handle being sidelined I am assuming. But what is one to do I ask? I mean, you guys can’t be blamed if I have such a happening life, and all you ask for is a slice of that! Yes, yes, if you’re reading this, you can claim I ‘personally’ said hello to you! You people, so much adoration I tell you, I am overwhelmed!
I complete 8 months today. Big you say? I think it is just more pressure. So much more to do. And so much more ability to do all of it. Sigh. These days, I am super mobile. I am never in one place. Mumma wrote a post about weight loss remember, I think I helped her with that. She calls me a cardio workout, by the way, and I don’t disagree.
A couple of weeks ago, I stood holding the play gym for support, and my mom kept screaming that it would fall. But why would it? I have that much sense! So I casually walked from one end of the room to the other pushing it, pinned against the other wall, and continued playing. When I look up, my mom had frozen mid hair-straightening, and was staring at me open-mouthed. My Dad was grinning as usual. I refused to react to all this and went back to my more fun activity of playing. I mentioned it here because I thought that was an over reaction. Just saying.
So now that I have access to the various nooks and corners of the house and the things, I obviously have a few favourites. Like shoes. Actually Mumma’s bathroom slippers are the best, yummy! She keeps shrieking whenever I take as much as a lick. I am thinking it’s got to do with the fact that she eats that tasteless Muesli. She can’t see me happy. Then ofcourse, the peripherial objects, socks, laces, the dirtier and stinkier, the better.
Oh, and have you tasted paper? Oh My God you don’t’ know what you’re missing out on! Paper is like, legen-wait for it-DARY! Newspaper is the best, it is recycled right? Recycled means, you don’t know it’s origin really. Then it’s been in the dirtiest of places, and that means it is, yes, it is dirty! So it is delicious, I swear!
And have you tried any microscopic bit of dirt on the ground? You might not have, you need my awesome vision for that. I make a tremendous effort to spot those, pick them and then proceed to put them in my mouth. I am very meticulous like that. Nothing can escape my eye! Or Mouth.
I currently am very fond of the Gummy Bear song. In English and Spanish. I like that green bear singing that song in his nasal voice, cute right? Mumma lets me watch it often, mostly on her phone. She seemed quite happy that I enjoyed it, and I was happy that finally she’s letting me have fun, when she did it again. You know, interfered in my happiness? All I did was to pick up her iPhone and give it one lick and then before I could have chewed it for even 5 seconds, there she was. Snatching it away. I don’t get this woman, really.
It’s not that I want to eat everything. My parents think that’s all I like. But that’s not true. There are so many other things I like doing, if they would let me. Whenever I try sitting on the Mac, no. If I try banging on it, no. If I try picking up the iPhone(yeah, her beloved phone!) and throwing it just see how far it goes, no. If I try climbing on the cylinder, no. There is just NO limit on the restrictions these people place on me.
Then there are other silly things as well. So I want to crawl between the two recliners to come to the other side. How does it matter if they space is just 1 inch? Let me try, will ya? And so what if I leave whatever I am holding for support all of a sudden, aren’t these people supposed to be around to catch me? I mean, come on!
So many things, so many things! The list can go on. But then, if I try to put it all out here, it would be like trying to capture , umm, let me think, all my Mumma’s shoes in her shoe rack? Ha ha. I can crack jokes too. Honestly, it helps that I am able to say all this to you guys, perhaps you could knock some sense into her. She gets so annoying at times!
Anyway, I am tired now. It was fun and all, this blogging business but then you are supposed to get back to the more pressing life matters sooner or later. So I will let you get back to yours, and I will get back to mine. You see, I just spotted a cockroach scurrying down the hall, that desperately needs to be followed.
Oh, and on second thoughts, spare Mumma the flak ok, I know, in her own absurd way, she does it all for my *air quotes begin* good *end air quotes*.
See ya around.
PS: If you don’t get the title of this post, we cannot be friends. I am sorry.