Rewind, Replay

Personally, I have no qualms with growing older. Not that I can do anything about it, I know nobody can, but in general, I never worry about how the years are just slipping away. I wonder, yes, but worry or complain, not so much.

I like it, in fact. The fact that I have experienced almost 30 years of life already. Sounds grown up, right? And in my world, so many years translate to so many things. I am more in awe of all that I have done in all this time, than disappointed about what I haven’t. Which in its own weird manner, makes me an optimist I think, though I will fight to death to prove that I am not one.

That being said, I recently came across this. Lovely words, I know. But more importantly, it made me think about how fickle life is, and how we only live once, and how it is necessary that we enjoy each moment. It also made me want to go eat some cake, without worrying about the calories, and I did that (Honey almond cake, in case you’re interested in the details). It was yum, and I loved it, both the cake and the carefree attitude that I had just displayed. And then, reality struck again, and I went back to planning how and when I would have the time to work those calories off. Normal, you could call it.

Jokes apart, I decided then that I would contemplate a bit. I know, not my usual tendency, but sometimes a girl’s gotta act her age too. So contemplate I did, about what I would do differently, if I could relive my life. It wasn’t too tough. At this stage in life, it is actually easy to know what you could have done when you had the time. Like if I could, I would definitely play some sport and be good at it. And some musical instrument, perhaps the guitar. Perhaps I would keep my hair short. I would surely take more photographs of people and places.

I would study a bit lesser. I would definitely worry way lesser. I would not be depressed through my holidays when I skip a 5 mark question I knew so well by mistake. I would make more friends, spend more time with the ones I’ve had, and definitely make an effort to keep in touch with them.

I would not cry as much. I would fight my parents and refuse to leave when they try to send me away for studies. I would do my graduation in Literature, or Mass Communications. I would write more. I would read more. I would listen to more genres of music. I would not wear the same clothes that I did in college.

I would stand up a bit more for myself. And I would blindly agree to every judgment my father made about anyone (because admit it, the man is always right!). I would be a little less impulsive in some things, and a little more in others. I would spend less time feeling guilty about what went wrong, and more time feeling happy that it’s over.

I would buy a straightener, and stop wearing chunky platforms earlier. I would make an effort to look good. I would have more girls nights out. And maintain a journal. I would not tear up the pages of the one I did.

I know, small things. But technically, if you go by the Butterfly effect theory, all these small changes should add up to a very different course of life. But I doubt if in the long run, things would have been very different from what they are right now. Honestly, who am I kidding. Considering we’re talking about me here, I am pretty sure that they would be exactly the same.

And thank God for that.

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30 thoughts on “Rewind, Replay

  1. If you look at it closely, at least some of these ‘could-be’ stuff can be implemented in the ‘would-be’ or ‘should-be’ for the coming years

    🙂

  2. Something that I post at the end of each year on my blog (certainly last few), is a summary of what went wrong and what did not, what I could have done, and what I could have done more.

    Retrospection is the best way to move forward, most of the things you can still do or change… unfortunately you cannot go back, undo the engineering and do some literature 😐

    Alas :S time is a dimension which only gives us unidirectional travel, unless the discovery of Higgs Boson gives way to an innovation!

    • DI says:

      🙂 True again! I am not even sure if I would want to go back and change anything, but yes, some things feel like a waste of time, and some things deserved more time than was given!
      But like I said, all’s well that ends well 🙂 🙂

  3. Its not quite new with people wishing to travel back in the Time machine and wish to do some mendings over their past…if wishes were horses……..the consolation part in your case is you could at least make a wish list…..

    • DI says:

      🙂 True! But I actually never thought of it till this time. And honestly after giving it an overall thinking through as well, I strongly feel that in the end, it doesn’t even matter :)!

  4. dont we all want that DI.. I long for it all the time but as you replied above I would not change .. I am happy where I am and what experiences I have had made me a better or bad person but I am OK

    • DI says:

      Amen to that. It is exactly these experiences which have made us what we are today! And as long as we are happy with that, it’s all good! 🙂

  5. Hi, I’m a new reader. I like the self-analysis you did! I guess all of us become contemplative after we have crossed the great 3-0! I’m glad that you conclude that you would not change a thing because after all, we are the sum of all our experiences, good or bad! And, as pointed out in an earlier comment, you can always have the experiences you want to have now!

    • DI says:

      Haha, glad to think that’s the case. Though it worries me to think if this my extent of “philosophical analysis” before turning 30, what would be my state after 😮 :o!
      And yes, some of the things have been/can be done even now!

  6. “And I would blindly agree to every judgment my father made about anyone (because admit it, the man is always right!)”
    Oh god! I cant tell u how vigorously i was nodding my head to that..Are all dads meant to be that way? :O:-)
    Lovely post! Got me thinking too! 🙂

    • DI says:

      I guess they are! I am sure when it comes to anyone who has anything to do with their precious daughters, the 6th sense gets still stronger!
      🙂 You have a long time to do all this! 😀

  7. Tamanna Mishra says:

    Happy birthday DI! This is one hell of a feeling isn’t it.. Knowing that I could have done a lot of things differently but not change what they led me to? Lots of love!

  8. Very nice DI! 🙂
    But I always believe jo hota hai achche ke liye hota hai (gosh, I sound like an aunty!)
    I mean come on, if you had done things differently, then who knows, you might not have had the life you’re living now, right?
    All these little things contribute so much in making us the people we are 🙂

    • DI says:

      I agree to what you are saying! Which is why I expressed the thankfulness at the end. Because whatever be the course, I wouldn’t exchange the final destination for anything 🙂

  9. oh I do this exercise a lot of times, you know..I’m that sort I guess 🙂 Yeh hota toh kaisa hota and all that stuff!

    Like you I would surely have had more girl night outs, wouldn’t have torn the letters that my friends wrote to me all these years and would have not stopped learning Bharatnattyam in the middle of it 😦

    That thing called life, eh ?

  10. The way I read this post is that you are happy with where you are in life. There are a few things that you would want to change but they are not the biggest of things. They are little little things and you still have the chance to change most of them. So I say, go for it. Change them things up and smile your beautiful smile at the life that is. 🙂

  11. Jayashree Padmanabhan says:

    Loved this post ! Dad was deeply touched by that line you wrote about him . Life never happens exactly as planned right? As you said, all is well that ends well. We cannot put the clock back and correct certain things but beta you can still go and learn that guitar ! :). God bless you !

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