With a click. Oh well, not just a click. There are atleast 5 clicks required. First click on your friends list. The click on the person’s name, preferably right click and then choose ‘open in new tab’ (that’s 2 clicks for you), then click on the open tab, then click on “friends”, and then on “unfriend”. That’s already 6 clicks. And then there is pop up which tells you that the person’s removed from your list, and you click, OK.
Ok. That’s simple. But it can be tedious when there are 480 faces and names you need to go through and decide which ones to say good bye too. I did this today. I am doing it right now. And I wonder why I did not do it before.
I know, to an extent. I mean, these are people who “added me as a friend” sometime in the past 6 years. I have never been part of the “I do not do FB” cool brigade. I am not active, in the true sense, but I do post pictures once in a while. I go “like” pictures my friends post too. I even go and generally browse through albums of my “friends” and see what they’ve been upto.
But frankly, I have accepted almost all friend requests that have come my way, the only criterion being “I know the sender in person” (or in some cases through this blog). They never necessarily had to be friends in the true sense.
In essence, big mistake. Today, I decided it was high time I did a thorough round of spring cleaning. And who did I remove? Well, you know who you are, but for the sake of being polite, I thought I would offer a bit of an explanation before I bid you adieu.
Let me start with you. You did nothing wrong, seriously. You added me as a friend because your friend at work sits next to the guy who you once saw talking to me. So there’s the link! You added me, and I accepted it for the same reason (yes, kill me). But accept it, it’s been 4 years since then, and the only time we have ‘conversed’ is when you sent me a direct message out of the blue a few months ago, asking me if I remembered you (which I didn’t) and then asked me if I could please help you find a job in my present company (which believe me, I am not sure I will, because I cannot refer you just because of this amazing FB connection we have). So I am sorry, off you go.
Then you, we share an alma mater. That is big. We love our college. And when you added me, I saw we had 14 mutual friends, all of them from college. So I accepted it. But tell me one thing, what is the point? Do you really care about when Zo started walking? Or when I had my 2nd anniversary? Or when I went on a vacation and showed it off to my friends through photos? Do you really want that bother? I don’t. I wouldn’t, I know. So, in a way, I am doing you a favor. It was nice knowing you by the way, or actually, it was nice knowing your name. That’s about what I ever came to know anyway. And if this is about networking (which I suck at, so really no advantage here), go to Linkedin. I will add you back. Promise.
Ah, and you. Now you still had a good reason to be on the list you know. We shared a bay, a floor, or the coffee area, and yes, we did say hello to each other when our paths crossed. So it just made sense that you also know all that’s happening in my life otherwise? Hmm. Not so much. It’s been years since I moved out from my work place, or perhaps you did. And we have nothing in common we’ll ever discuss. Zilch. I mean, I seem to only talk about myself and my family. And you about how awesome Pawan Kalyan is. So there. Nothing in common. So lets get rid of this one last link too. No point.
There you are. You, by the way, are going for a weird reason. I know you actually, pretty well I think, at some point. But there is this thing, I actually do share a bit of my life here, through pictures, sometimes updates. So you actually get know what I wore, where I went, how I look, how cute Zo is, how cool The Dude is. I know, I am sharing this out of choice. But you, you’re a closed book. You don’t even have a profile picture for heaven’s sake! So looks like this is just your way of keeping a tab on others’ life, rather than keeping in touch. There is a difference. I know, it’s your choice, and I might be overreacting. But now, I choose to not share anything with you either. So, bye?
Hey! You’re from my school! And look, seems like we were in the same class too! How do I know? Well, one, you added me. And two, we seem to have a truckload of mutual friends, all from school. So you have to be my classmate right? And that’s why I accepted the request. You’re nice, harmless, you share your family’s pics, your vacations pics, even tag me on some (what is with that really?) and you like what I put up too. So there, all is well. But there is one fundamental issue. Thing is, I have absolutely no freaking clue as to who you are! I cannot place your name or your face, and that is an issue because I have an awesome memory! So it is just unfair of me to act like there is nothing wrong in calling you a friend, facebook, or otherwise. I will just do us both a favor, and unfriend you. No hard feelings.
Again, you too are from school. But I remember you. Pretty well. You were pretty popular at school. What surprises me is that you remember me. Actually, I am dead sure you don’t. And the only reason you added me some years ago was that you spotted me through some mutual friends, and let me just say it, I had a nice profile picture, and I seemed to have done ok for myself in life. And I know it sounds pathetic, but I was thrilled when I saw your request, and accepted it at once. We even chatted a couple of times where you were full of compliments, and surprise that “you never noticed me” at school, and I was full of myself. Smugness galore. But it makes no sense now, almost seems childish. We are not friends, and I doubt we will ever be. So goodbye it is.
And some more of you. Classmates, not friends. We have never spoken beyond notes, classes, I am sure of that. But FB was the magic world which brought my old contacts to me, so you’re here. And I am ok with you being around too. Up until you started acting like we were childhood buddies of some sort. Fine, you wanted to chat, though we’d not known of each other’s existence for over a decade. Fine, you ask me for the contact details of people I have never spoken to in school, leave alone keep in touch later. Fine, you act shocked when I say I have no clue where they are. This is where it gets amusing, and you start talking about how I have wrong priorities in life and how I have ‘let go of important things in life, like friends’ and gotten busy with my ‘career’ and ‘family’. Dude. You’re right. I got my priorities all muddled up when I accepted that ‘friend’ request, knowing we were anything but that! Let me fix it now, starting with ‘unfriending’ you.
And then follow it up all the rest, 100 odd names that I removed in the last 2 days. It feels good. Rude, maybe, but I think it’s fine. So, if you don’t see any more updates from me on your wall, and actually have the patience to go check why, don’t fret, it is just better this way.
I’m really not worth it.