Blogging is stressful. Let me explain. A person like me does an average of a post every 2 weeks as the stats say. But of course these are not evenly spread out which means sometimes there are month long breaks, and sometimes posts within a few days of each other ( scarce yes, but they’re there, so don’t smirk, and check the posts). Anyway, what happens is that these longer breaks occur when a lot is happening in life. Like in my case, there was a family wedding, then travel for work, followed by a vacation, which meant more work to finish before the whole long break happened, amidst which there were house guests, and family visiting, and the icing on the cake, a little girl growing up at an enormous speed with which you can associate a lot of talking and continuous running around.
So when a lot happens in life, you have all the more reason, and food for your blog. However, this also means that life lacks at that moment, the one important element of blogging, time. But you’re optimistic, and you feel all happy that there is so much you can write about once your life’s routine is back to normal, only you never have an estimate about when that would be. But eventually it does. And that’s when you open your Google docs and create a new document all set to record the happenings of your literally happening life. And disaster strikes, because now there is just too much to cover, and no, bullet points do not do justice to them, and there is no way you can do a post for each thing. End result, 7 half written drafts in the past one week, not one which will ever be completed or see the light of your blog. And the next time you do post, not only is it more than a month since you posted last, but also, you have eventually not covered anything that you wanted to. Forget full blown posts, or even bullets, there is just a mention of all that in one long ‘typical-you’ sentence in the first paragraph and that’s about it.
And that’s what the readers have to make do with too. And adjusting that you are by nature, I’m sure you will manage pretty well. It is mean I know, you don’t get to know just how much Zo speaks now , her favourite sentence being “Mummy naiyye aapish” which means “Mummy nahi hai, Office”, or how she has become a brat who pouts with her lower lip out, hands on her hips and shows her disdain at the on-goings frequently, which is cute, but also bothers me at the same time. Or how I finally made use of all the shopping done specifically for my brother-in-law’s wedding, and how it was fun but super tiring like weddings usually are. Or how I got to stay in this wonderful old chateau in Spain for work, but did not see anything much because there was just, so, much, work and how I ate my weight in freshly baked cakes and homemade chocolates and Tiramisu and truckloads of cheese there, and eventually found all my clothes a wee bit tighter. Or how I had a lovely vacation in Barcelona right after that, where us bad parents left little Zo back, and roamed around the streets of what I found very ‘Storybook Europe’ with the narrow lanes, and antique-y street lamps, brown buildings with small balconies with flower pots, and patisseries around every corner, selling wonderful freshly baked goodies, with the specials written on the little blackboard outside with chalk.
And most importantly, how all of this happened in span of 2 weeks. But I can’t. Because every time I try, the post sounds more and more like a “Dear Diary” entry from a 16 year old’s Diary, which could be interesting for some if there was actually a 16 year old writing it, but no it isn’t. It is the same old 30 year old, sometimes cynical, usually incoherent me behind the page, and that would just scare people away.
But now that February is over and I can take a breather, the best way to relax would be to blog properly, one could say. Only every time I open a page to write, my eyes grow wide, and there are these animated concentric circles going round and round in them like you’ve bonked Tom of the Tom and Jerry fame on the head. And then the breathing gets heavier, and eventually it is just too much to take, so you quickly close the whole page and get back to reading what the other bloggers have been up to. And then you come across these brilliant pieces and you’re like ‘let me go back and open my docs right away’ because you’ve just thought of this awesome opening line for your next post, only that’s how far you eventually get before the concentric circles take over again.
So like I said, it’s tough. Blogging used to be therapeutic, it used to be a relief, it used to be a mode to vent out, and generally connect with like-minded people. And now it’s one odd post every month, and a huge list of untitled documents in your Google Docs account.
Either way, we cannot seem to let go of it, so here we are. It is more of an addiction to the concept that the intent to actually write, but as long as it ensures that the page is alive, who cares right?