The shallow end

There are three kinds of women I have serious issues with. Thin women, tall women, and women with naturally straight hair. All for the same obvious reason. Shallowness.

Among the first kind, I am ready to let go of the ones who have to, had to, still work for it. See, these souls have earned it, because only I know how it feels to let go off that fifth piece of Swiss chocolate you could have picked, but did not. Or forego that rerun of Castle because you chose to go to gym instead. So these guys are forgiven, with a rare occasion where I dislike them for their will. But my real issue is with the ones with alien metabolism rates. Like this one friend I have, whose weight oscillates between, let’s just say, ‘me at my best minus 10’ and ‘me at my best minus 15’. Kilos, yes. For the smart-asses who will bring in BMI, bone weight and all, we are the same height, in fact she is slightly taller. And this, when she once chomped her way through 8 samosas along with another girl, each samosa big, and extremely delicious, after a full-fledged lunch. In front of me, while I nibbled my way through half a samosa wondering when I would be able to do those additional 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Then there are tall women. Walking around like they own the world, looking down upon us normal folks, literally. I don’t get it. Why do they get to be all model-like and effortlessly chic? In fact, foreigners I am still ok with. But why Indian women? Hello! Your average height is supposed to be 5 feet 3 inches, stick to it, will you? Don’t go about screwing up the balance with your long, skinny jeans clad (and in some worse off cases, shorts!) legs, it is not doing us average folks a favor. Also, these women, as if this unfair length of limbs is not enough, some of them will wear heels! Oh my God, the blasphemy! I mean, is there any limit to how much you want to tower over the rest of the world, really? I really think there should be height limit at shoe stores where women beyond a particular height should not be allowed to pick up any sort of heels, ever. That would teach them. Or at least help me.

Which brings us to women with straight hair.  I don’t think this is the first time I am showing resentment against them. All of them, except the pretty woman my little Zo will turn out to be, with her silky straight hair, because I prayed for it. Yeah, so the pain of having untamable hair can only be understood by someone who 1) has been told she looks like Monica at Barbados 2) has been told her hair looks like water is gushing out of a pipe 3) has been asked if every day was a bad hair day. But obviously, I cannot fathom how anyone can have naturally silky hair, which they do nothing to manage. They will just flaunt it, looking awesome in any hair style, short or long, bangs or layers, complaining about how they are so bored that their hair always falls so straight! Really? Let me give you hair that defies gravity, that would be a nice change yes? Hmph. Also, it is beside the point that I have straight hair now, because people, I spend money, time, and around 4 hours in an uncomfortable chair, smelling of ammonia every year for that. So it doesn’t count.

But before I shock and startle those of you reading this, especially the ones who might be falling in one of these three categories, I should tell you that lately, I have started letting it go, and giving these extra lucky people a break. I am like, what can they do right, if God has been so generous with them? They just got it, it’s not that they asked for it. So I have started accepting them as human beings, by which I mean I do not mutter curses at everyone whose legs are 3/4ths their body or have hair which looks like it is from a Shampoo ad, or are eating a huge bowl of ice-cream from Cream Stone wearing size 24 jeans, anymore. Not every time, atleast.  So if you are any of these lucky women I just spoke about, don’t get scared, I won’t bite you. Might just give you a disgusted look.

Except of course if you are tall, skinny and have straight hair, because then, I swear you’re better off not knowing me.

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34 thoughts on “The shallow end

  1. Hahahahhaah… amazing post 🙂

    I don’t know what will be ur reaction but I do fall in first two categories… so should be ready to face your “disgusted looks for me :P” and as far as third category is concerned, i seriously envy those girls/women! honestly i dont like super straight hairs, love wavy hairs, which by god’s grace I own and managing them is like a nightmare 😦 😥

    Glad to know that you have accepted them as HUMAN BEINGS 😛 😉

    • DI says:

      😮
      Good you don’t have straight hair, else, you would have unnecesarily been a target!
      But seriously, I envy you guys, even two out of three is unfair! Plus, wavy, nice-looking hair is also unfair, but since you have to manage them, you are forgiven! 😀
      I know, I am kind hearted like that 😉
      Thanks Neeli!

  2. Ahem..I do not possess murderous range on those blessed with the above mentioned attributes…Blessed they are that way..Only a teeny weeny part wishes I had more manageable hair..It has been described generously to be “Brush”, “Cuckoo’s nest” et al…I had been wondering if I could go for hair smoothening for a while…But right now am content!!Some time..even happy with it..See..Signs of growing up (Proud Look!)

  3. Hahaha.. I have developed a special liking for shallow posts 😀

    Surprisingly, I am comfortable not being tall. In all honesty, I wouldn’t want to be tall either. Average height is good enough for me. Tall people seem very giant like to me, and I prefer the not very tall girls.Some research even suggests that the not very tall people look younger than the tall ones. And ofcourse I like to selectively believe such facts 😀 5’3″ is a height I like.. (I fall short of 5’3″ myself though)

    Regarding the hair, I envy girls with ‘smooth’ hair, not straight. I was so done with my frizz, I went ahead and straightened my hair recently.. Not because I like straight hair, but because I like smooth, frizz free, easy to manage hair. Otherwise I had perpetually bad hair days too 😦 And the wash-dry-iron regime is too stressful to follow every 2 days.. So I straightened it, and I do not much like the straight look. I tolerate it only for the smooth and easy to manage nature.

    My ideal hair is shiny, wavy, smooth hair. But that is rare to find. Hair that is really shiny and smooth is usually straight. So when I do see people with really shiny and smooth hair, plus natural waves, I seriously envy them.

    • DI says:

      Haha! See, not sure if I would have wanted to be taller, but honestly, clothes sit so much better on them! Plus no damn alteration! Bah!
      Hair, I should have said manageable, because I have seen people with beautiful bouncy curls! Not sure if effort went into them, in fact I guess I can assume it did. If I were to get into specifics, would lobe hair smooth and straight in the front (so that you can cut them , style them) and waves at the back! Sigh.
      Shallow posts are fun, you can just be truthful and not care about people judging you, because hey! You gave a disclaimer!

  4. Haha DI….Awesome post! If I were to be shallow, I would just be jealous of someone who can make ribs tickle with such simplicity!!! And that’s YOU…!! 😛

    And by the way, I was never in category 1 (inspite of my dad being 6 feet); left category 2 after my wedding (Sob Sob) and although fall in category 3, have little tendrils which are NOT AT ALL manageable and defy gravity always!!! 😦

    So, you can like me!!! 😀

    • DI says:

      Ok Shweta, I would say that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my blog, or my writing, so I can REALLY like you despite your pretty hair 🙂

  5. I hear you I hear you I hear you..totally!!!

    the only thing I prayed to God every day when I used to go to the temple when I was pregs was please give my child my husband’s hair..Amma laughed at my prayers saying people ask for beautiful child, smart child, healthy child and look at you asking for husband’s hair on the child…but it worked DI, it worked..R thankfully has RD’s great ‘straight’ silky hair and not awful brittle rough hair like mine 🙂

    • DI says:

      Tell me about it! All I said was ‘NOT my hair, NOT my hair, esp if it is a girl!’ And it worked too 😀
      People totally don’t get that rough/frizzy hair and spoil the whole look! Bah!
      Glad you are with me on this RM 😀

  6. Hahahaha! 😀
    I find women with flawless skin annoying. Unfortunately, I have many like that in my own family. Worst part is, they care two hoots about the skin and yet.
    Is 5.6 tall? Because then I might be on your hitlist for a couple of reasons! 😛

    • DI says:

      5’6 is the worst. It is JUST perfect height. Not too tall, and tall. And I am guessing you have soft hair! 😮
      I did not mention skin because of reasons which might kill my modest image here 😉 And no, I do nothing for it too!

  7. and I hate anyone with eyebrows!!!! it seems god just sprinkled few hair on my brow so that I don’t have to resemble Spok.
    As of height, my sis is 5’7 and I am 5’3. And to add to the misery I am elder than her. Oh the horror!!!

  8. Oh the Rant !!!
    Can’t comment much on this Post focusing exclusively on the Fairer, More appearance focused sex.
    But then with Old age fast approaching, it is understood 😛

    I guess one rant a year is allowed… particularly with Bday round the corner 😛

  9. I am 5’9 tall and I have straight hair.. But I’d give anything to look less like a giant and have my sister’s gorgeous curls. Being tall and fat – worst combo ever!

    I want average height, curls and slim body.

    Grass is always greener on the other side 😢

  10. Except for the tall (5’6 is tall in my books) part, I agree with you wholeheartedly on the rest. Having hair that gets straight on the 4th day of not washing it, curly if I tie it up in a bun and never leave it down, coconut husk-ish right after I wash it, I am torn and in tears when some survey asks about my hair type. Let’s not even start about body metabolism.
    These are the topics that put me into melancholy. CRY.

    • DI says:

      5’6 is tall in regular books. But I am glad u agree to the rest because I was going to disown you.
      I have the same story about my hair except it does that AFTER the straightening also!
      Don’t cry, we are all in the same boat 😦

  11. loved it Di…this was awesome 🙂
    I have one trait you are jealous of – I have naturally straight hair 😉 and I am desperately trying for some weight loss. I can’t afford to be a chubby girl at my height of just above 5 (it could be below 5, but I like to say above).
    I am so happy that I can make someone jealous…am I shallow to feel so? Hahhaa, so be it 🙂
    but then rest of me is well compensated by – not being tall and not great skin and no dress-makeup-hairstyle sense…so I could still be a friend, I guess 🙂

    • DI says:

      Fine 😉 I will accept you! I love your hair! You put pics right? After doing some sort of conditioning 😀
      Whoever has to ‘try’ to lose weight becomes a sort of friend to me 😀
      Hahah! You can most definitely make jealous!

  12. Dear Divya,

    I am Sakina and I work in the marketing team of The Four Fountains Spa. The Four Fountains Spa is India’s largest chain of affordable day spas and we are located across 10 cities. I just went through your blog and it was a wonderful read. It was something interesting and refreshing to browse through.
    I would like to invite you for a complimentary therapy at our spa. If you find it worthwhile, your review about us on your blog would be greatly appreciated by us. Would wait to hear from you if this would interest you. If you could let me know the place and branch convenient for you, i can do book the appointment for you. Incase you need to reach me my mobile number is 9820739116 and my id is sakina.b@thefourfountains.in.
    Looking forward to your response and your subsequent visit 🙂

    Regards,
    Sakina

    • DI says:

      Hi Sakina!

      Would I ever say no to something this tempting? I don’t think so 🙂

      Will drop you a mail on the id you mention. In fact, I think you have a branch very close to my place. Would love to visit and review.

      Thanks,

      Divya

  13. DI, I am laughing so hard.
    My SIL is tall, like 5.9 tall. She is thin, like 55 Kgs thin and this is after she had two kids and eats more in one meal than what I do in the entire day. She has straight hair to boot. What can I say, she looks amazing in everything she wears and yet she cribs about her skin, her grey hair, her over skinny legs.
    What I have finally learned is that everyone is being shallow about one thing or two or three, when it comes to looks and that it is OK to be like that. Keeps us all from flying too high. 😀

    • DI says:

      😐
      I might have turned down a guy if I knew marrying him would mean being related to someone like that!
      Ok exageration done 😀 But you’re right. There are so many aspects I conveniently missed because honestly, those are acceptable, just the thing we do, look at the bad stuff first 😉
      But yeah, eventually, you’re compensated I guess 😀

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