So last week, during a particularly obvious bout of nothingness, combined with determination to not salvage the situation by actually finding something to do, I decided to read my archives. My own archives, yes, and that too, from almost 10 years ago. Partly driven by the whole ‘Yay, this blog is going to turn 10 soon’ shenanigans I have been indulging in. And partly, by my extremely however prematurely enthusiastic B-school batch mates, who have decided to start planning our 10 year reunion, a whole year in advance.
As many of you might be aware, this blog pretty much started because of the good old B-school days. It was the summer of ’04 (how utterly not musical) and a bunch of us felt the need to share our experience of living through two excruciatingly boring months of summer internships, in different parts of the country, as we counted our days down to the big return to the campus. It was fun. And much necessary. Especially since we all firmly believed that the time at the campus was perhaps the best time of our lives, (Yes, I said that, right in tandem with the lyrics of the song that every drunk person sings to, while reminiscing the past. So shoot me), and this sharing, would relieve us of some the pain that the judaai had brought about.
It did. But once we were back to the God-awesome routine of classes, sleeping weird hours, movies, night canteen, assignments, CP and presentations (not in any order), most of the bunch lost its mojo and sunk back into routine. Some of us, however, trundled on, continued, discovering with each passing day, just how much fun this whole ‘write what you want in your space thing could be’. The focus varied, and mine in particular stuck to journaling all that was happening in life, which at that point, was pretty much everything and anything in and about the Kampus.
And as time passed, I got introduced to more blogs, those outside of the campus, and realized how this could be a vent-out mechanism. I loved how some people shared everything personal, because no one knew them there. Only, in my case, everyone did. Heck, my name was on the url. But most of what I was writing was pretty non-controversial, and more importantly, totally inconsequential. So I wrote on.
Complained about assignments, exams looming over the head, grades, unfair SCon members, mean juniors, annoying PlaceComm, bad movies, mess food, everything under the sun. And in some of the rarest moments, a couple of very, very boring, personal posts about how I really felt (dare you laugh, you shall be cursed by 21 year old self). I mean, like, as boring as it could get. But I also worried others would read it. So I marked them private. Two posts in specific. One which I thought could be misconstrued, misunderstood (or actually understood), and another, where I sounded very depressing, almost K-serial depressing. And private they stayed.
Until last week, when I was reading my archives, and I came across these two posts. And when I read them, I realized just how Blah I sounded, and how it really didn’t matter if anyone read them now. So I decided to ‘un-privatize’ them. I did one, and rushed to my reader to check if they showed as a new post, because all this sorting out aside, I really didn’t want anyone to read how strongly I supported one of two competing groups in class, not because of anything else, but the fact that I sounded downright lame-ass. Especially since I was not very well acquainted with either group (yep, competition apparently, actually, we should say studies in general, did not seem to hold a position in my priority list during the B-school days. The good old B-school days), and I had gone ahead and used some codes for the names (ABC, OQR and such), and here I was vehemently talking about how one group thought they were too cool while they were so not blah blah kill me right now oh the horror earth swallow me please. It didn’t. The post on the reader, I mean. So I went ahead with both posts.
And THEN, the stats showed how many people had visited the pages. The two pages. I just told you of one, trust me, the other one is even more lame-ass. I was like, by chance perhaps. But it didn’t show on reader right? So a whole week later, I was changing my profile picture on FB to this super cool shot The Dude has taken of me, and guess what? There they were. The culprits. Both my stupid 10 year old posts, showing as new updates on ALL my friends profiles. Not on reader, where there were still people who did not know me personally. But on FB. Facebook. Actually, you know what, then would have been the right moment to kill me. I did remove them from the timeline, but the damage was done.
One might question the sanity behind un-privatising something you didn’t want read. To which I will say, there is a difference between making available, and publicizing. If someone found my blog SO interesting that they went digging into frigging old archive and battled through the numerous grammatical errors and the punctuation over-use, they deserve to know why ABC was not as cool as it thought, and why PQR was way better. And also that at a point I was sad without knowing why I was sad which is like life in general you might say but you won’t see me say it very often, especially publically.
Anyhoo, apparently things like that our not in our hands, so be it. People who missed the awesome introspective and opinionated posts while they were being announced, you can always refer to my archives and come across these posts in due time, and feel good that you got to know me so much better.
And people who already caught them, and read them, I am sorry. Truly, deeply sorry.