It’s been 6 months since I moved back to Hyderabad, and within this short span of time, I have conveniently managed to put on 3 kilos. Now personally, I already believed I was 3 kilos over my ideal weight. So this amazing detour makes that 6. Not cool, I agree.
While I was never a stickler around numbers in the past, heck I was always in the overweight BMI range, I have become a a little more particular since the great loss of 2012. You know, when I magically dropped all the baby weight and then some more in less than 6 months and suddenly became a self proclaimed weight loss guru, giving all and sundry advise around how to eat well and stay fit. Those were happy times and while I did the entire thing on my own, without shelling a paisa on a trainer or classes or a nutritionist, I made up for it by splurging on a whole new wardrobe to suit my newly acquired persona. I also got introduced to my clavicle and we have been in a steady relationship ever since.
Only in my case, apparently when you meet your own expectations, while it does give rise to a feeling of contentment, it also gives rise to further expectations. Not very unfair ones, I’d say. I had hit an all time low on the scales and I felt amazing, but when you have access to way too much information, you over-analyse and I decided that I needed to lose those ‘last 3 kilos’ to be ‘perfect’. But fate had other plans, doesn’t it always? I shouldn’t even be blaming fate in fact. Truth is, those 6 months of wondrous fitness that I achieved took a lot of hard work – regular gymming and a crazy control over food. To the extent that I was one of those weird kinds who are jabbing the details of what they ate after every meal into their phones to ensure they don’t cross the calorie limit, for a whole 2 months.
Those are the kind of things you do when you are in distress, and I was. You see, my assumption was, if you put on 20 kilos while carrying a baby, it would take a month maybe to lose it all after the baby is born? That didn’t make sense even numerically cos it takes 9 months of unbelievably uncontrolled eating to get to that stage, so there’s no way you magically lose it in one. So after 6 months of seeing absolutely no change, matters were taken into hands and handled. Results were achieved. Happiness was gained (shallowness alert). But once you are in this zone, this ‘I’m not all that bad’ zone, you tend to lose focus altogether. My case, exactly. And the only thing that makes me reconsider the fact that I do indeed need to eat healthier and get fitter is sugar.
For example, last night, after a pretty good day of eating healthy throughout, and finishing dinner, I decided to reward myself with a Rasagulla. Fair, right? Then I decided, that one more Rasagulla wouldn’t hurt. So it was had. Then, I decided that, I just had to try one of those Swiss chocolate bites, since they were quite tiny and wouldn’t make a difference. So I did. Then, I still wanted more sugar so I decided to eat some pineapple (healthy healthy!) and followed it up with some almonds (healthy! Sort of). And then I went back to the refrigerator (this is a true story, each element was had after a trip specifically for it), to see if there was yet anything else I could have! And there was this Bar One, Zo’s (I know, bad, bad mommy), and I had the damn audacity to pick it up! And all the while, this tiny voice in my head was going, Dude, you have had enough dessert to make up for a whole extra meal, and you didn’t even miss a meal today!
Then I kept it back. And picked up another slice of pineapple. Before you think I am trying to talk about the victory of willpower over, erm, no will power, let me clarify that I aim at no such bullshit. Because a ‘one day control does not a strong person make’. Because I’m increasingly becoming the kind who will replace unhealthy sweets in the diet with relatively healthy sweets and then end up having them both. Because when it comes to sugar, I can never, ever say no. And while my reason to worry about this to look fit, I can make myself sound a wee more intellectual by saying that ‘so much sugar consumption will be bad for anyone in the long run’. There.
The only ray of hope, and the other thing I cannot say no to is clothes – pretty clothes. And I have a wardrobe full of them, only some of them feel relatively snug these days, not surprisingly. So to hopefully handle this number situation, I have decided to pit my two loves against one another. Basically, no more new clothes until I fit and as an obvious repercussion, use my current outfits well. By well, we mean at least wear them a second time (even first in some cases, I can tell you, and now you totally judge me). And I hope for my sake that this works.
And while we let events take their course, we will sit back, relax and watch. With a piece of
dark chocolate pineapple in our hand.