Day 11 – Wouldn’t it be nice, if we could wake up

I think I have decoded people. It’s quite simple in fact. There are two types of people in this world – mean people and nice people.

You might not agree with such a simple demarcation what with the whole ‘shades of grey’ thing we talk about. But that doesn’t matter, because the world is indeed split into just two kinds of people – those who are mean and those who are not. How you ask? Ok, let me tell you.

Now my theory is that every single person in this world is opinionated. While some might accept it, and actually say  ‘I am opinionated’, some might not have to say it, because it is apparent from the way they talk. Some others choose not to offer an opinion. These are the tough ones. Many folks assume that they do not have opinions, or that they do not care enough to have an opinion on the matter. But the fact is, unless one is absolutely unaware of something, he by default has some opinion about it. The degree might vary, but he does. And if he doesn’t say it out loud, it’s perhaps due to other reasons – like not wanting to get into an argument, or better still, not wanting to offend someone. In short, he is just being ‘nice’.

There may be a counter argument saying everyone is allowed to have an opinion and that no one should get offended by that. True. The problem arises when the opinion in question is direct personal attack on someone else’s state. Like for example, believing that ‘working women have their priorities wrong if they are leaving their children in a day care’  is an absolutely normal opinion to have. Saying it to a working mother who is leaving her child in a day care, is uncouth.

Similarly, telling someone who just bought a place close to work, that you ‘cannot understand how someone can be ok living amidst the offices’ is plain rude. Or telling someone who has already taken up a new job that you have heard only bad things about the place, even if you are being absolutely honest, not very cool. Basically, when you are about to opine on something irrelevant to you, but absolutely personal and relevant to the one in front, especially when they didn’t as for your tuppence, refrain from giving it.

And it is as simple as that. You know, making the choice between nice and mean. All you have to do is have a slightly finer filter to ensure what goes through isn’t hurtful, or rude, or impolite, because sometimes what we say because we think we are being ‘extremely honest and in your face and don’t mince our words’, we are actually being mean, and offensive, and generally asshole-y. So make it subtle, say it if you have to, but just say it a bit better.

And if it is that tough, there’s always another option. Just shut the fuck up.


8 thoughts on “Day 11 – Wouldn’t it be nice, if we could wake up

  1. I think the world is full of people who don’t have manners. Manners are so underrated! It is common sense actually. And the option to stay quiet, that’s easy – why can’t they do that! Also I hate unsolicited advice – it comes from the same kind of people, opinionated ones who don’t know how to mind their business. You know, saying something mean is also an art 😛 learn from the British. They can be really mean and subtle – which makes it worse i think hehe

  2. The Other Side of Life

    I hear you! Just two days back I was telling Sherlock the same thing. Even if I do feel something, I never ever say it. I don’t know how someone can just walk up to me and say things that they know for a fact will hurt me. I don’t get it. Normally, I don’t respond. Yesterday, in a fit of anger, I wrote a mail to that person putting him in his place in a polite way. I felt bad doing even that. Something that he deserved!

    1. I ignore it too, but mostly it’s cos I am too shocked to react. Lately I try to be atleast a bit bitchy, but you can’t match up to these folks.
      It’s good to be able to respond, and then there’s the guilt that follows, it’s all so stupid really.

  3. I used to do this my opinion thing for the longest time without realizing what I was doing. So I do know how shoddy you can sound. It was when I started cringing when I heard such situations played back to me. Time and place for everything, including opinions.

    Nicely articulated, DI!

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