A is for Anger

Of late, I feel that I am way angrier than I am usually. This is an important thing to note, because I am in general an angry person. And to say that I am ‘angrier’ than usual, well, let’s just say, it’s a scary thought. For me and the world at large, the part of it that faces me.

The scarier part is that this increase is in both volume and intensity. I will explain this with an example. I am not sure if I have mentioned this before, but I usually commute to work, which is a mere 2 kilometers away, on a bike. This takes me nearly 20 mins, which makes no mathematical sense but I have already explained it. Our office has neatly demarcated parking spots for bikes, and they are sufficient in number – of course some spots being a bit farther from the elevator lobby than the others – by which mean additional 20 steps at most. But, some morons are too lazy to make that effort, so they park their bikes at an angle perpendicular to the spots, because of an assumption I think, that the parking lot belongs to their father. This also means that the regular idiots, who park normally, cannot remove their bikes.

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The first time this happened, I sighed, got mad, wedged myself in the tiny space, pulled my bike out, and tried pulling his bike a bit, bruised myself, and eventually left a good 10 minutes later, which sucks when you have had a long hard day at work. The second time, I pulled my bike, banged it against his, and kept banging till it moved enough to give me the space I needed – this time there was no bruising. Last night, when it happened a third time, I did all that I did the second time, and then finally took time to write and leave him a not so polite note, which basically explained how the world would be a better place if folks like him did not exist. I could feel my ears grow warm, and I am sure if I were fairer complexioned, one could see my face turn brilliant red. Also, all this while I was wondering if I should so some physical damage to the vehicle to make up for my mental trauma – and while I decided against it, the fact that I thought it is pretty alarming.

In terms of volume, the examples are not as worrisome, but they still are. Like, I pretty much wake up angry, but that might be because I am not a fan of waking up in general. Very small instances and interactions at work make me mad. By default, anyone more than 5 minutes late to any prescheduled meeting, without the courtesy of informing that they will be late,  makes me hopping mad. What makes me angrier, to the extent that I completely write off the person involved in my head, is the casual manner in which they brush it off like nothing happened – like it’s the norm, and that it should be expected. Unfair expectations make me angry, though I know these can be handled with a basic push back (which works in my case), and I always spend a good half hour angry that the expectation came up in the first place before handling it. People not taking work seriously, not owing things, not caring about what they do – all of this makes me SO angry I often wonder if I am actually as disconnected from work as I think because if yes, why do I take everything so personally? I am getting ruder, snarkier, and unfortunately guiltier, because this is not me.

In addition to this there are the regular things that most people complain about or worry about, but I choose to be angry about. Like the weather, or water problems, or a packed weekend, the numbers on the weighing scales, the lack of will power, the fact that I don’t do enough, the general state of the world and of course  my mid-life crisis. That would explain the permanent scowl on my face, which folks have actually asked me about – it’s all because I am constantly thinking of what is wrong with the world and why everything sucks so much and it makes me, well, angry.

But yes, I am taking baby steps to control it. Cutting myself off where I am not required to be as involved. Stop taking everything personally; try getting the proverbial thick skin. It’s not easy as it sounds, and I am struggling to keep my calm. But I am trying. And hope and pray and wish that my low blood pressure condition ensures that my brain doesn’t hemorrhage in the interim.

A

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Author: The Girl in Blue Jeans

Eh, seriously, what would you know from here that you wouldn't from the blog. Go back. Read!

9 thoughts on “A is for Anger”

  1. Oh my god. I did the exact same thing with someone who parked in my space after the society decided to follow rules and park only in alloted space. I wrote him a nasty note saying he is causing a nuisance to the world because I have to park in someone else’s spot and they will have to park somewhere else and so he has started a chain reaction of angry people. I could feel steam coming out of my ears then. And also when I’m driving and someone tries to squeeze me out of my Lane like I don’t belong there. Anger is a pain, but frankly, its so hard to avoid it in all the thing where we have to deal with the world. :-/

    I just realized I forgot to post today. Sigh. Will do at home.

  2. Anger is my ‘A’ in real life. There have been times when I have felt so angry that I felt like crashing the precious Belgian glassware to pieces just like they show in movies. This is massive for someone who loves crockery and takes meticulous care of it to avoid any breakage. Glad I didn’t go ahead and cried instead.

    But, I do not have the low blood pressure advantage coming from a family of hypertensives. So, just like you I keep myself sane by timing out & choosing the battles I’d really like to fight.

    Good Luck for the A to Z Challenge. Let’s rock it!

    1. 🙂 I am a shocking low blood pressure person in a family of hypertensives myself!
      But I just feel so good there are others who feel angry, violently in their head – because the after feeling isn’t nice at all. But it’s there, and cannot be ignored.

      Good luck to you too! I am yet to read blogs, writing is killing me! 😮

  3. I had a triumphant smile on my face reading about your not-so-polite note to that moron. I am a short tempered person too and there are some pretty small things that can anger me to a greater extent which is worrisome.. Like I am dealing with this person, who doesn’t start any sentence with a capitalized alphabet. I mean, how is that even possible?! I have reminded her twice and after that, I lost my cool.

    1. 😮 Was this at work? I think your tolerance levels are a tad lower, because I usually accept and not get impacted unless the stupidity directly impacts me or my work. I mean I judge, but I eventually just let it be 😀 I really need to know if the capitalization was missing in work mails!

      1. Oh yes.. it was missing in the work emails. The reason why I lost my patience was I told this person a couple of times already and then, had to point my finger (literally at the screen) while she was typing to ensure she was getting it right. The next time I saw that, I couldnt tolerate . Of course, I have not told her anything yet, than again pointing it out politely. So, my anger is basically silent and it bugs me.

        1. I guess eventually you have to get slightly rude. If you are not used to it you will really bad about it for the next two days 😦 I had a situation I hated very recently. But I guess it’s a sad situation either way – whether you are silently angry or openly.

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