Ok. We all know very well that I am all for personal choices and priorities and ‘you get to decide what you do with your life’ and ‘what the society says doesn’t matter at all’, but today, I am going out on a limb and giving out seriously unsolicited advice.
Every one of us should have a child.
Not because it’s the norm or because that’s how the world works. But for a million other things that make it seem so worth it.
Like the hugs. Those numerous, squishy, ‘you-are-my-everything’ hugs, that need to be experienced to be understood. And you can do nothing but trust me when I say that there’s nothing like this elsewhere.
The trust in you, that you will fix things however tough, however difficult. The trust that is so much more than your own trust on yourself or anyone around. The trust that is almost impossible to let down.
The “You’re so pretty!” exclamations. It is one thing to hear it from others, and absolutely another to hear it from your child, because it just seems so genuine and so heartfelt – that you immediately start looking at your zits like they are beauty spots.
The fact there is someone who wants to be like you – in terms of clothing, in terms what you like, what you do, what you watch and what you eat. There is something awesome to be told you are so awesome, that this little being would want to be ‘you’ when they’re ‘big’.
The fairness – that if she ate a chocolate, she has to keep one for Mama because sharing is caring. That if she promised she would switch the Ipad off after one episode of Max and Ruby, she will. That if she said she will have the yogurt only when she dinner, she won’t ask for it until then.
The connect, that when you are upset, your child is just as upset, if not more. Not bothered about the reason, or the situation or how it can be fixed, but just plain upset. As if Mama crying is reason enough to be sad and cry yourself. It’s also so heart breaking that you don’t feel like being upset anymore.
The nostalgia, the manner in which she reminds you of, and to some extent helps you relive, your childhood. Your memories from when you were a helpless little punt come flooding back when you talk to her about school, or cover her notebooks during a fresh year, or iron her uniform.
Ofcourse the love. The matter of fact – ‘I love you’s and the frank ‘You’re the best mama ever’s for something as small as remembering to get her sugarcane from the mall because she asked for it a few days ago. And ensuring that each such revelation is accompanied with a squishy hug we spoke of before.
And also for the fact, that this is a person you’ve made and are making continuously – with what you tell her, what you say to her, what you do with her, and also what you do around her, which she consistently, constantly observes and learns from, as she slowly becomes her own self.
So yes, despite all that extra work, and all those responsibilities and the sleepless nights and early mornings and the tantrums, everyone should have a child. Doesn’t matter how, doesn’t matter when. And not because your biological clock is ticking or because the neighbor’s mother asked if there was a problem or because it is high time to settle down or because your parents think you owe them grandchildren. But for your own, purely selfish reasons.
Because the joy you get out of it, is way too much for anyone to miss out upon.