Yesterday morning, I was *this* (stick your index finger and your thumb together to know how much) close to bursting into tears. No, actually, I did cry. Really cried. But of course it was for yet another shallow reason else I wouldn’t be talking of it here.
The reason was this – the stupid weighing scale tipped rather unfavorably. It took me a moment to register. Then I rushed to get my dependable weighing item, which helps me catch any error, and tried again. But no, Zo weighed exactly how much she should.
That’s when the tears came rushing in. Because, this was the most ironic thing ever, that yesterday, was the day I was supposed to have fulfilled the ONE resolution, or wish I made last year, run the 10K. Everyone on my Facebook list was doing just that, and I, was standing at 5 Kilos + from the least I had touched last year. Feeling extremely unfit, and stamina-less, with an astounding 9 months of zero workout behind me.
Anyway, it’s too early to talk about fixing it and making tall claims of how I would do it, because I am one helluva will-powerless, lazy person, and I HATE IT.So instead, I will make myself feel good, about other things. Like this.
Lookie! We get awards too!
You see, after a long long time, someone thought of this blog as worthy for an award. So, thank you Aarya, you’re my one good thing for today that I am grateful for.
The Award also needs me to do a list of things, which I will not, given my current sorry state. But what I will do is answer the 10 questions on it because if I don’t this post will one long rant about how useless a person I am.
So here we go.
1. What does your name mean? – Heavenly. Going by the sheer mass of me right now, I would say 3-4 of them heavenly beings combined.
2. What are your hobbies? – Eating, apparently. And then staring at the idiot box for hours, and eating some more. Then checking the scales to see if I have magically lost weight, then realizing that that would be scientifically incorrect so sulking and eating some more about the unfairness of it all.
3. According to you, what was the driving force that let you into the blogging world? – The very hectic summer internship I was doing. Not. Honestly, it would be the availability of internet, a desktop visible to the world and it’s family so no Yahoo games could be played (yep, that is the pre FB era we are talking about here), and 8 hours you just had to spend at work, especially when your summers guide had run out of ideas to keep you busy while making you think that you are the only one who can save this company (GP, I haven’t forgotten you, at all.). Ooh, and also two fellow interns who shared a cabin and a desk top by which we mean took turns at playing said Yahoo games, while listening to music. Nonsense.
4. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savored? – I like and savor every shallow compliment I receive, especially when it’s got to do with weight-loss, not looking my age, looking fit, or surprise expressed when I mention my daughter. Those days are gone, looks like. Also, looks like all that ‘savoring’ has pretty much settled down for good over all over my unfit body. (Folks reading this who are also my friends on FB who might think I am over-reacting, I swear I only put relatively thin pictures of myself, so it is all about illusions. Those who don’t think I am over-reacting, please go away.)
5. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? – Wit. Humor. Intelligence. The three things which will ensure we have a good conversation, which is like the most basic necessity for me to notice someone even, drawn to is stage two.
6. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? – Panic and worry and over analysis. Let me tell you what I mean. So recently, I receive this mail from the boss about something which had gone wrong, followed by a ‘we need to talk’. The whole night I fretted about how I would handle the situation, complained about why bad things happen to me, thought of answers, scenarios, defenses and pretty much everything that could happen the next day. When I walked in the next day, the boss talked about everything except for the issue. When I brought it up, she said that was an FYI. So apparently the FYI and ‘we need to talk’ were not related. They were two different sentences, two different things. And I, because of my obsessive need to assume had just short of written a thesis on the whole made up situation.
7. What was the best news you ever received? – I don’t know really. It would be a tie between when I got to know that I had topped school in class 10, beating my nemesis of 6 years (seriously, you won’t believe the competition we had without once talking to each other in school) by a measly one mark (and it was mutual, this feeling, because as I rode into school behind my dad on his scooter to check the results, she was standing in the middle of the road, sobbing, and her mom was consoling her rather audibly that it was just a mark after all).
And when I received a call from my cousin in Hyderabad saying they had received a letter from K, and it seemed to say that I was through their second list, which was awesome because I had spent the time between the first list and then acting like the world had ended and finishing half the book of vedic mathematics in preparation for CAT next year.
I have had happier moments, but these fall in the ‘news’ category.
8. If you could hold on to just one memory from your life forever, what would that be? So many boss, so many. Cliched as it may sound, it would have to be one involving the Dude, because I still think he is the best thing that ever happened to me, and is pretty much the reason for the other good things happening now.
9. What’s your favorite dessert? – Anything with chocolate. Aise hi thode hi paanch kilo put on kiye hai humne?
10. What are the top three things on your bucket list? – Bucket list is a little too much boss. I am not kicking the bucket now; there is a lot to be done. Things I want to do somehow, sometime would include 1) See Antarctica. No wait, I changed it to the Northern lights recently. 2) Run a marathon. Really run, not walk, or pant, or drag, or just talk about it while eating more chocolate 3) I can’t even think of third thing, Oh God please don’t kill me I swear I am not done with everything yet.
And that’s that. I told you I am not following any of the other rules. Instead of that, I will give you a one line update on how awesomely awesome turning 31 felt at the awesomely awesome Goa vacation where I made my Karaoke debut with “Top of the world” by The Carpenters which described exactly how awesomely awesome I felt then.You might argue that all that ‘awesomeness’ makes up for (and actually contributes to) the not so awesome five kilos I have been crying about, to which I will say, I understand , but you wish, you really really wish.
Here is to a fitter year, hopefully. Happier, most definitely.