For Pongal, I am at my parents’ place. Which basically means that I have spent today eating a lot, and considering it is the beginning of the long weekend, and that it is a festival, I am not in the least bit guilty. That’s the best kind of eating – guilt free sinful, festive eating.
I have mentioned my love for food many times here, but today I spent some time thinking about what makes me eat. I love eating, especially junk. But as you know, I am also quite conscious about my weight, so I do tend to control myself from over-eating, especially unhealthy stuff. Basically, my reasons to eat are quite contrary to the reasons other people eat, i.e. hunger. I almost never eat because I am hungry.
For example, I eat certain things because they are ‘there’. Like they exist, and are accessible. This applies heavily to sweets, especially chocolates. When it comes to chocolates, the only pre-requisite for me to consume it, is it being available. So if there is chocolate in the fridge, I am eating it. Even if I am stuffed till my throat with food – I will eat it. Even if I have eaten 20 bars till then, I will eat it. Apparently, there is no such thing as too much sweet, or sugar overdose when it comes to me. The funniest part is that I won’t necessarily crave it if it is not available, but if it is available, I cannot be stopped.
Or, I will eat because I have been eating ‘too healthy’ through the day. This specifically won’t make sense to rational people. I would have spent the whole day eating healthy, drinking green tea, lots of water, having fruits, and suddenly, at around 7 PM, there will be this alarm that will go off in my head, which will say ‘Dude, you have been awesome today, you deserve a treat!’. And then I will waddle to the office bakery, and pick up the shittiest pack of deep fried nonsense and proceed to eat it all, rendering my ‘control’ of the day useless. The best part, I know there’s no point to it, but that half hour, I’m possessed.
I eat because it’s weekend. This is not as irrational, but I tend to overdo this too. On Saturdays, I start believing very strongly that my body can handle junk for a day in any quantity. Add to it the influence of alcohol, and I am super-woman, the kind who believes she can ingest anything and get away with it. So I do, I eat till I about to burst, and I go to bed a happy person. The guilt usually strikes when I am up the next morning.
I eat because ‘if we keep it for too long we will keep eating it so let me finish it fast’. This is like that joke where the kid is writing his exam fast because he is running out of ink and he wants to be done before the ink is over. I mean seriously, I actually believe at times that there is no point ‘storing’ unhealthy food in the house so let me just store it in ‘me’.
And ofcourse, I eat because it is festival season, or wedding season, or vacation, or a buffet, or I am at mom’s. Any of these times, I am particular about not wasting my appetite on the good things, and fill myself up with things I would otherwise avoid. In all these situations, I usually end up whining at the end of the day about being too full, because I am.
But I never, ever swear off doing it again – because I know I will. In fact I look forward to the next time I can go on a binge. Because in this one regard, I’m as anti Gandhian as I can be. I really, totally, absolutely live to eat.