This is a cheat post, because I wrote this back in October of last year, and published it elsewhere (don’t ask me why). There was still a month to go for my birthday to arrive, so I guess I took specific pleasure in calling myself a 40 year old, before the inevitable happened and I turned a year older. Anyway, fact is that there is absolutely no change in how I feel, so everything stays relevant.
When I turned 40, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I was hit by the whole ‘life’s passing way too fast’ feeling. It is very interesting how it actually took a number for me to start feeling this way. Age, they say, is just a number; but turns out, it is a fairly powerful number after all.
I have spent quite some time wondering about whether I am afraid of growing older, or death, which is the obvious next step to time passing. But turns out that’s not the case. And I think I have an answer to what is causing this misery.
Having reached 40, I have now officially lived through a large number of life experiences that everyone (ok, most of us) dream of having. Childhood is a thing of the past, and the more far away you are from it, the more amazing the days of no-care seem to have been. Youth is also gone, and with it are gone most of the firsts, first love, first heartbreak, getting married, your firstborn. The 30s had that element of moving ahead in life, more superficially than anything, but still big strides — your dream home, your big car, your fancy holidays, professional growth.
Which is probably why 40 seems like the end of things. And more often than not you’re left wondering what we are working towards now? The hard work, the efforts that have gone into building up this life are now just a part of it. Yes, you will now see your children grow into independent adults with lives of their own soon, which while beautiful, only means that they too will slowly move away.
And that’s the feeling I’m trying to understand, and absorb. Yes, a big part of life is now in the past, but there are things to look forward to in future too. Maybe not as flashy, not as large-scale, but there will be smaller things, more peaceful experiences that are yet to come.
So now that we’ve spent the last 4 decades building what seems like the good life, we’ll spend the next few actually living it.
And that's what it's all about 
Pretty sure some amazing, peaceful experiences and some looking back with pride and happiness still remain 🙂 Highly recommend When Chai Met Toast’s When We Feel Young on days like the ones when you posted this.
Will check it out – surprising I haven’t heard of it yet! Pride, happiness, gratitude all exist with that little nostalgic pinch 😀
I had a second child at 37 – so at 41, as parents we are still in the we have a lot of time to go before he hates us phase 🙂 . To be fair, my teen can tire me –but he doesn’t hate us yet 🙂
Haha! Why would the kids hate you!? I sure hope they never come to that. If anything, I have felt that Zo, as she moves into her teens have gotten SO much closer 😀 a huge plus with daughters I feel – though I might be stereotyping here! But their me-time is only bound to increase.
Yes, I guess a second child definitely slows down the passing time feeling t but I am also glad that ‘responsibilities’ will not last till we are so much older! 😀
Well, mostly I think it’s in the nature of teens to rebel/reject their parent’s processes, and that’s ok. It’s good to see your parents are human, and fallible.
My pre-teen (realised he has a good 8 months before he touched 13) definitely doesn’t like cleaning up, or contributing to chores – which as a little child he absolutely was a marvel at. So hate might be not be the right word, but unfortunately when some things are made mandatory (like cutting nails/showering/…..) he doesn’t like me very much 😛
I can live with that 🙂
Have we grown closer? Yes – mostly because I can have conversations with him that are sensible – though i’m sure boys do mature slower – mine at any rate can be absolute babies on days.
And well — my second was very much desired – so I guess the responsibilities have to be shouldered 🙂
Wow – chores, showering, cleaning up – ditto on that! I just realized our pre-teens might be the exact same age – Zo has 8 months to 13 too! Miss the cuddly, clingy toddler phase though – which is such a blessing with the second to enjoy a second time around 🙂